


Til Kingdom Come

by sassenachwriter



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, F/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-01-12 16:23:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18450251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassenachwriter/pseuds/sassenachwriter
Summary: During a trip to the Highlands with their science class, modern days Claire and Jamie stray from the path and stumble upon the circle of standing stones at Craigh na Dun and wake up in 1743.





	1. We Never Change

**Author's Note:**

> ''I want to fly and never come down  
> And live my life  
> And have friends around'' - Coldplay

It wasn’t a serious chess game, yet it was the most important one of Jamie’s life — even more important than any of the games he played during the competition he participated in around Europe during the summer. His opponent was concentrated, his brows furrowed behind his glasses. He had a serious look, his eyes dark with thoughts. Jamie was smiling. He always was. Every time he played a game he was afraid of losing, he plastered a smile on his face. Cocky smirks at his friends around him and looking like he was bored while thoughts were racing in his mind — it was all an act. 

He couldn’t lose this game. Not against him and especially not in front of her. She wasn’t even watching them play. She was sitting in the corner of the room, reading a book. He tried to get her attention, but he thought the only way he could do so was by winning. 

Jamie currently was in the lead, but Frank Randall was probably as smart as Jamie was. He was an experienced player — that, Jamie could see — and he knew the game fair well. But still, Jamie was the best. He was the best player of his age in Scotland and the pride of the high school he was studying at. Even the best player in the world would’ve been distracted by her. Claire Beauchamp. There was something about her that made everyone want her to know their name. Jamie knew that feeling better than anyone. 

It was only in November of the year before that he recognized her. He had not seen her before then, until that day when he was walking with his friend, Fergus, from gym class, and saw her sitting on a bench, reading a book. She was always reading — and when she wasn’t reading, she was listening to music. She was always closed from the world and nobody, except Frank Randall, had successfully snuck in. And Jamie hated him to the very marrow of his bones for it. 

Jamie and Claire had no classes together, but sometimes they took the same bus to go to school. However, in the year he had seen her, they never talked. He knew she recognized him, but pretended she didn’t. You don’t forget your first kiss that easily, especially when it was with a tall, ginger-haired Scot. 

But he had changed a lot since the last time he’d seen her, and so had she. Her hair was now a wild mop of untamed curls flying around her head. It was far from the straight and long hair she used to wear in a ponytail. Her body had also changed. He blushed when he had noticed how she had turned into a woman. 

The year had gone by and before he knew it, it was summertime and he didn’t see her for months. When they came back in August, she looked different — tanner and more relaxed. And she now had a boyfriend. 

This year, Jamie and Claire were in the same science class. They were sitting next to each other, but they had never really talked about anything other than the projects or exercises they had to do together. They never talked about the elephant in the room. 

Frank didn’t seem to think about Claire while she was around. Perhaps the reality of being her boyfriend didn’t make him want to shoot glances at her every ten seconds. He was concentrated and determined to win this game. Not because he wanted to impress her, but simply because he didn’t like to lose. 

Jamie waved all thoughts of Claire away from his mind and played his turn. He made a great move, eliciting reactions from the small crowd gathered around them. He looked up at her and met her gaze. He felt his cheeks turn red as she rose, her book under her arm, to catch a look at the end of the game. 

It was the most intense chess game Jamie had ever won and probably his biggest win. Frank Randall shook his head as Jamie’s friends cheered him on, but Jamie only had eyes for Claire. She didn’t say anything, instead went back to gather her bag, and walked out of the room with Frank following her. 

It had been Jamie’s biggest win, but mostly a win that wasn’t going to change anything.

He walked out of the chess club feeling rather disappointed. Lunch break was almost over and he still hadn’t taken the time to eat. He walked out of the school and sat on a bench before taking a big bite of his sandwich. It was a cold October day, so he quickly finished his lunch and went back into the school for his science class.

It was the only class he really liked this year, and it wasn’t because he loved chemistry, but because he was sitting right next to Claire. She never talked to him, but he had hope that one day she would. Even if it was simply to to ask him for a pen or what page to open their notebook, she would speak to him.

Or not.

If she really wanted to speak to him, she would have said something a long time ago. They knew each other and their parents were friends. In normal circumstances, she would say hi or at least smile, but after the last time they’d seen each other, he understood why she didn’t want to.

He sat behind his desk, putting his notebook in front of him. When she entered the class, he felt his heart starting to race. She walked past him, her nose in her book, and sat down rather loudly. He gave her a shy look and looked down. He was foolishly expecting her to say something about the chess game, but he was disappointed once again. 

He couldn’t blame her. It had been four years already, but it was possible that she thought Jamie still had feelings for her — feeling that she didn’t reciprocate. 

His parents had invited the Beauchamps to their vacation home in Broch Mordha for the weekend. It had been a while since the last time Ellen Fraser had seen her friend and ex-colleague Julia Beauchamp. It was a cold winter, probably the coldest Scotland had seen in a few years. A thin layer of snow was covering the ground, giving the lands around Lallybroch a magical look.

The Beauchamps had arrived on Friday night after spending the day traveling from Edinburgh. Ellen and Brian had spent the day preparing the house for the guests and making sure everything was perfect. 

Jamie was feeling nervous. And self-conscious. The one and only time he had seen Claire Beauchamp was seven years ago when the Beauchamps had invited the Frasers for brunch. The time she had kissed him behind the park next to their house, right outside Edinburgh.

Seven years later, Jamie wasn’t the cute little red-headed boy Claire had first met. He was now too tall and too slim, awkwardly looking like a noodle. He had acne on his cheeks and forehead ‚ though the curls covered it — and he wore big, ugly glasses. He even had a few hairs starting to grow on his chin and above his upper lip. He was ashamed just imagining how good Claire must look after all these years while he looked like an average guy at his age.

And he wasn’t wrong. She was beautiful. The most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. As soon as she set foot in the house, his breath caught in his throat. He stood there, looking at her with big round eyes. “Jamie? Will ye help the lass?” Ellen asked, pointing at Claire’s suitcase with her chin.

“Yes,” he said, and hurried to take the bag from her. When his fingers brushed against hers, he felt electricity run from his hand to his toes and to the hair on his head. “That’s heavy,” he smiled shyly. “What do you have in there?”

“Books,” she said, smiling in return. 

He had assumed that Claire would want to go out and play with him in the snow, but she spent the weekend reading in front of the fireplace. She looked comfortable and happy. He didn’t want to bother her, but he found himself bored when their parents talked or drank glasses of wine. Many times, Julia and Henry told their daughter to do something other than read — that it was impolite to spend the weekend with her nose in a book. But every time, Ellen and Brian smiled and waved it off. “Dinna fash, that’s why we invited ye. To relax.”

And that they did. Just when Jamie thought he was about to die of boredom, Claire appeared in front of him, dressed in a brown leather coat. It was dark outside, as it was just after supper on Sunday. The Beauchamps were to leave the following morning. “Want to go for a walk?” she asked him with a smile.

They walked for a while in silence, listening to the sound of the wind in the trees. Even if they had only chatted a bit between the two of them, Claire talked a lot during mealtimes. Ellen and Brian loved to ask her about herself and about the books she read. She said she wanted to become a publisher or a book reviewer for a magazine. She had so many dreams, while Jamie didn’t know what he wanted to do. He was happy for her, but at the same time, he was a wee bit jealous.

Many times, he called her Sassenach. She didn’t know what it meant, but she always forgot to ask him.

“My father said you played chess with him last night,” she finally said. The house was far from sight, only a little orange light far away. “He said you were good.”

Jamie blushed, happy that she couldn’t see it. “Aye, well I try to be. My father and I practice a lot. But I’m no’ good as long as I canna beat my mam. She’s the best. She was the one who taught my father how to play. Nobody in our family has ever won a game against her.”

“Really?” He saw her white teeth in the dark.

“Aye. The day I beat her, I’ll be the champion of Scotland.”

“What do you mean?”

“She won the title of best player in Scotland about eight years ago. She doesna play anymore, but she’s still the best.” 

“I’m sure one day you’ll beat her.”

He shrugged and the conversation ended there. They kept on walking until she finally spoke. “Do you remember when we kissed?”

He felt blood rise to his cheeks and he cleared his throat. “I do.”

“I haven’t kissed anyone since then.”

They had stopped walking and were facing each other in the middle of a road. “Me neither,” Jamie said, looking into her eyes. The moon was lighting the delicate skin of her face, making his fingers burn with desire to touch her.

She was the first to move and put a hand on his cheek, her thumb caressing his face. He took a deep, shaky breath and put a hand on hers. Climbing on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips against his. Thoughts were racing in his mind, the fear of messing something up freezing his movements. Their first kiss had been a small smack, but this one was deeper. He parted his lips when her tongue asked for entrance and he kissed her back. It was messy at first, their noses colliding and neither of them knowing which way to lean their heads. When the need to breathe became urgent, they slowly parted. 

Jamie wanted to ask her why she had ignored him during this weekend if she had wanted to kiss him, but he didn’t say anything and instead pressed his forehead against hers. She took his hands in hers, slowly lifting them to her chest. She was looking deep in his eyes, biting her bottom lip. She laid his hands on her breasts. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Claire… are ye sure—”

She kissed him thoroughly, pushing herself against him. He unzipped her coat and reached for her under her shirt. His hands were freezing on her skin, making goosebumps rise all over her body. He kissed her back, his hands fondling her breasts, small moans escaping their mouths. 

She broke the kiss, looking back at him. His eyes were almost black with desire. “We should go back,” she breathed. “They’ll wonder what’s happening.”

“Mmm,” he said, uncomfortable.

“What is it?” He looked down and she followed his gaze to the bulge in his pants. “Oh,” she said, staring with wonder. “I—do you want me to—”

“No!” he said rather loudly. “No, thank you. It’ll just… go away.”

“Don’t you need to… you know?”

His blushing deepened, making him even more embarrassed. “No. I’ll just wait. Go, I’ll join you.”

“I’ll wait with you. It’s my fault, after all,” she said sheepishly. He looked up at her and the corner of his mouth curled up. She zipped her coat and they waited in the middle of the road until they walked back to Lallybroch.

He prayed she wouldn’t remember, but of course she would. Nobody could forget that. It was a natural thing, he kept repeating to himself. It happened to everyone, especially under those circumstances. 

The bell rang, reminding him where he was, and he blushed when he looked at her. She never listened in class, instead reading on her own until the teacher came to take her book to the front desk for the rest of the class. 

Mrs. Hildegarde, the science teacher, started speaking about their botany project. Since the beginning of the year, she had enthusiastically talked about this project she did every year since she started teaching twenty years ago. They would go to the Highlands, near Inverness, and study Scotland’s vegetation. She wanted them to fill their notebooks with descriptions of every plant they saw during their observation in the forest. 

This project didn’t interest Jamie for one bit. He couldn’t care less about herbs and plants, but the idea of spending a weekend in Inverness with Claire — and a class of twenty-five students — was far from repulsive. 

“Since the trip is next week, I have already made the teams for this project. As you know,” she started to explain, “you will be in teams of two. I’ve put the names on this sheet.” She lifted a sheet in the air and put it on the classroom door. “At the end of the class, you’ll come see who your partner is.”

In his heart, Jamie prayed he would be matched with Claire, but he knew the chances were very low. Once again, he would be disappointed. Clearly, the universe didn’t want them to talk. 

As usual, it felt like an eternity before the class ended. When the bell rang, Jamie let out a breath of relief and walked to the front of the class. Every student rushed to see their partner. Well, everyone but Claire. She was slowly putting her notebooks in her bag before she grabbed her novel from the teacher’s desk and walked out of the room, not even stopping to look at the sheet. 

When the students started to leave, Jamie finally looked at it and his heart almost stopped. He blinked twice, thinking his mind was playing tricks on him. 

Beauchamp, Claire & Fraser, James.

Maybe the universe had not said its last word.


	2. Parachutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "In a haze, a stormy haze  
> I'll be round  
> I'll be loving you always, always  
> Here I am and I'll take my time  
> Here I am and I'll wait in line always  
> Always"

Jamie hated every time his parents met up with colleagues for lunch. He always found himself bored to death and he hated to draw on the menu. His parents always brought a book for him, but he could never concentrate with all the noise in the restaurant. 

So when Ellen told him they were going to meet her colleague and her family for brunch, he let out a loud sigh. “But, Ma! Please, I dinna want to go,” six-year old Jamie begged. “I hate going to lunch with your friends.”

“This time it’ll be different, mo ghraidh. The Beauchamps have a daughter, Claire. She is only a year older than you. I am sure you will get along.”

As soon as the Beauchamps entered the restaurant and Jamie saw that little mop of curly hair, which reminded him of a sheep’s coat, running towards him, he knew they’d get along.

She spent the lunch talking to him about all the books she read and all the places she visited with her parents and with her uncle. Jamie deeply listened to every word that she said, unable to look away from her. She was the most beautiful lass he had ever seen and every time she touched him — whether it was putting a hand on his arm to show him the drawing she’d made or wrapping her arm around his shoulder when her mother took a picture of them — his heart skipped a beat. 

“The kids are having fun,” Henry Beauchamp smiled, looking at Jamie and Claire. “Would you like to come for tea at our place? It isn’t really far from here and they could spend more time together.”

“That’s a lovely idea,” Ellen answered. 

“Yeah!” Claire exclaimed and took Jamie’s arm. “Can he ride with us? I want him to listen to my new CD!”

She held his hand during the ten-minute trip back to their house. He had never felt this way before. It was as if the world was spinning around him, leaving him dizzy. His hand was sweaty and he was afraid she’d find it gross, but she never said anything about it. She only looked at him and smiled, singing along with Hannah Montana. 

It was a lovely sunny Sunday afternoon to stay outside drinking tea. While the adults talked about boring stuff, Jamie and Claire were running around the little backyard. 

“Do you want to go to the park?” She asked him in a strong English accent he wasn’t used to.

“Aye,” he smiled. “Will your parents let us?”

“It’s just across the street!” She got up and ran to ask her parents. Her father gave her his watch and asked that they come back in fifteen minutes to check in.

Claire grabbed Jamie’s hand and they ran to the park. They played a little, but the sun was too hot, so they hid against a brick wall to catch their breath.

Jamie started talking about his favourite rugby team when Claire interrupted him. “Do you want to kiss me?”

He froze, feeling his cheeks burn red, and it wasn’t because of his sunburn. “Uh… kiss you on the mouth?”

“Yes.”

He nodded. They stood facing each other, not moving. Both were shy and afraid to do it, their hearts racing in their chest. After a few minutes, Claire let out a sigh. “Maybe we should forget it, then.”

At that moment, he stopped thinking and kissed her. A wet, loud smack on the mouth. When he opened his eyes again, she was looking at him with a disgusted face. “What?” he asked, blushing deeply.

“It’s weird. Not so cool. I don’t understand why adults do it all the time.”

She sat against the wall. He sat next to her. “I know. I never really wanted to kiss a lass before. I always thought it looked gross.”

“I thought it’d be nice. It looks nice in movies.”

Jamie winced. “Really? I dinna think so.”

“Yes.” She looked at her watch and her eyes opened wide. “We’re going to be late. Come!”

They got up and ran to Claire’s house. Maybe she hadn’t liked the kiss, but he had, still feeling the warmth on his lips and the taste of her sunscreen.

***

It wasn’t a very likely place for disappearances, at least at first glance.

It was an old building by the Ness River, where the rooms were small, but clean. Jamie was sharing his room with three other guys from his class: John, Joe, and Fergus from his gym class. They had an hour to get ready before going out for dinner. Jamie put on a nice woolen sweater and pulled back his hair on his head. “Are you going on a date?” Fergus laughed, looking at him from his bed. 

He felt his cheeks turn red, but didn’t say anything.

As always, the evening turned out to be uneventful. They went to eat downtown and came back to their room after walking around Inverness. Jamie had fun with his new friends in a town he knew by heart. 

It was the first time he had come to the Highlands since his parents’ divorce. The first time in a while that he was so close to home. His real home. Lallybroch. Every day he spent in the city, he missed the castle a little more. The high walls, the big windows, the big fields surrounding it, the fireplaces in every room. 

He remembered when his parents announced that they were moving to the Highlands. He had cried and ran to his room screaming, before banging the door behind him. He was only six years old at the time. Mostly, he was sad because it meant he would never see Claire again. After their Sunday afternoon with the Beauchamps, Jamie had not seen her and he was always asking his parents when they were going to eat with them again. Both families were always too busy, so time went by and they never saw each other, until that memorable weekend they spent together in Lallybroch years later.

Besides leaving Claire, moving out of town didn’t really bother him. He had no friends and always wanted to play outside, a thing he couldn’t do as much as he wanted to while they lived in Edinburgh. So when they left, it wasn’t long until he forgot everything about the city. He was happy in the Highlands. There was nothing stopping him. There were no limits as to where he could run, and he could climb up all the trees and spend all of his days outside. His family was happy too. At least, that’s what he thought.

One day, his sister Jenny got into a fight with their parents. She was tired of living there, insisting that there was nothing to do and that she missed her friends from the city. So Jenny moved to Edinburgh to begin her studies at university. 

Then, his older brother got married to a lass from Glasgow. He left home shortly after, leaving Jamie alone with his parents in a big house.

As Jamie grew up, he started to notice things he hadn’t before. His parents fought all of the time. They had tried to never fight in front of him, but he always heard them. They always fought outside the house when they thought Jamie was nowhere near them. 

Even if he had seen his parents’ divorce coming, it broke his heart when they told him. His father was moving to Aberdeen and Ellen was going back to Edinburgh. Jamie didn’t want to leave his father, but he missed his sister and he knew Edinburgh well. Aberdeen was a strange place, and he didn’t want to feel like the new guy in a strange city again. So he had followed his mother and never looked back. But now that he was back in the Highlands and walking around the city, the smell of the air reminded him of so many memories he had hidden away in his mind after he left Lallybroch. Now, the memories were all coming out.

He stopped by the river and looked out at the water, memories flooding his mind. He could still recall his father and him in the river, fishing until the sun set in the evening. He felt his heart grow heavy in his chest at the thought of his father. The last time he had seen him was almost four months ago. They often Skyped or talked on the phone, but it was nothing compared to spending time together in real life. He loved his mother, but she was always working, burying herself in her job. He knew she was in pain after their divorce — he could feel it in everything that she did. 

“Are you alright?”

Jamie turned around and saw that Claire was staring at him from a few feet behind him.

“Aye,” he cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks turn red.

“Sure?”

He nodded and she smiled weakly at him before she continued walking. He watched her go and took a deep breath. 

***

He barely slept that night, thinking about the day that was coming. Him and Claire lost in the forest for an entire day. No Frank Randall, no Mrs. Hildegarde. It would be just the two of them and a forest filled with plants. He spent the night playing out scenarios of the next day in his mind, and each of them made him more nervous.

Jamie finally fell asleep a few hours before his alarm. Still, there wasn’t an ounce of fatigue in him once he woke up. He was excited for this day and got out of the hotel before everyone else. They were supposed to take a bus to the place where they would be doing their work, and he nervously waited for Claire to arrive. 

She was the last to come out. She was dressed in brown corduroy pants and a navy blue raincoat fully zipped up. Jamie’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of her. “Hi,” he said when she walked to him.

She smiled. “I brought my camera.”

They were supposed to take photographs of the plants they saw and put them in a notebook they were going to make for their next exam. 

“Great,” he smiled in response. 

They rode side by side in silence. When they arrived at the site, they listened to Mrs. Hildegarde’s instructions and immediately left for the forest once she concluded. Jamie and Claire walked together in silence. She never spoke, and it didn’t seem like she wanted to anytime soon. Meanwhile, Jamie was fighting back the urge to say something. Anything, even if it was pointless small talk. 

Claire took photographs of the plants and noted things in the notebook. “How do ye ken so much about plants?” Jamie asked her, hands buried in his pockets.

Her hair was pulled in a ponytail, her curls failing to stay tamed. They were flying everywhere around her head, framing the delicate bones of her face. She looked up at him and her lips curled up in a soft smile. It was the first time he saw her smile sincerely since his first day at this school. “I like botany. I used to have a garden.”

She got up and walked around the plant. “See, this is Belladonna. It can both kill you and heal you.”

“It kinda looks scary,” Jamie said, looking at the black fruit of the plant.

“Yeah,” she smiled at him. “It does look a bit threatening.”

She continued walking around and Jamie couldn’t help but look at her arse as she did. He cleared his throat, his cheeks burning red, and followed her. 

She told him about a few of the plants they met. She didn’t know them all, but she had a fair knowledge of how to use some for medicinal purposes. “So if I eat Belladonna ye ken how to heal me?”

“If I were you, I wouldn’t trust me on that. I never worked with plants. My mother did, though,” she added, but he saw something veiling her eyes. 

She swallowed and turned her back to him. “Oh, here! This makes really good tea.”

Jamie looked at her back, feeling his heart drop in his chest. His mother had told him about the tragedy that had hit the Beauchamps. The year before he moved back to Edinburgh, Julia and Henry had perished in a terrible car accident. A drunk driver had hit them while running through a red light. He wanted to say something, but it was too late for that. He should have talked to her before. A good friend would have. 

They walked in silence for a while until Claire turned around quickly, looking around. “Are we lost?”

Jamie looked at the map Mrs Hildegarde had given them. “Uh… no, I think we’re here.” He pointed to the map and she came closer to see. She smelled of an oddly pleasant mixture of cigarettes and spiced apples. 

“No, we passed that point an hour ago,” she said. 

He frowned and looked around. A smile broke on his face when he saw it. “Look,” he pointed with his chin.

“What?” She followed his gaze.

“Have ye ever seen a circle of standing stones since ye arrived in Scotland?” It was her turn to frown and she shook her head, a mischievous smile suddenly growing on her lovely face. “Come then.”

“We shouldn’t wander too far from the main road, Jamie.”

“There is no road anymore. Come.” He started walking towards the stones. Claire sighed and followed him. 

When they arrived on top of the hill, Claire walked between the stones, feeling goosebumps on her skin. “There is… an odd feeling about being here.”

“Aye,” he smiled, touching a stone with his hand. “Stories say that if ye touch the tallest stone,” he pointed at the stone in question with his chin, “ye will go on a long journey.”

She raised one brow at him. “A long journey to the psychiatric hospital?”

He chuckled and crossed his arms. “Sassenachs, ye always have fun mocking the beliefs of Scottish people.”

“Has someone ever come back from that mysterious journey?”

“Some have… in songs.”

“Right,” she smirked, mockingly. She pretended to find it silly, but it actually caught her attention. She loved everything mystical. One of the things she loved the most about Scotland was its stories and legends. “And where do these people go?”

“Some say they go to a different universe, some say they simply vanish. Others say they fall through time.”

“Like in Doctor Who?”

Jamie sighed, shaking his head. “Weel, let’s see, huh?”

He walked towards her. She nervously laughed and took a step back. “Come on, give me your hand. Or are you scared?” He lifted one eyebrow, his mouth curled up in his best cocky smile. 

“Of course I’m not scared,” she laughed, feeling a shiver run down her spine. She took the hand he offered her. He walked them to the stones, the wind around them suddenly getting stronger. They suddenly heard an odd sound, like a strong buzzing from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. “What is that?”

“Just the wind,” he said, putting their linked hands against the stone.

***

Once, when Jamie was playing rugby, a guy had punched him in the face with his elbow. Ever since that day, Jamie often woke up with a headache that wouldn’t go away. Sometimes the headaches were so strong that he couldn’t do anything but lie down, his entire body paralyzed by the pain. 

So when he woke up, his temples throbbing, he thought everything had been a dream and he was just waking up. 

The sight of Claire lying next to him on the grass brought him to full consciousness. She was unconscious, her breath so soft that he was afraid she was dying. He shook her shoulder weakly, calling out her name. “Claire? Claire, are ye alright?”

She moaned, opening her big whisky eyes to look at him. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Jamie said, helping her sit up. 

She looked around, putting a hand on her forehead. “My head hurts like hell.”

“I know. Me too.”

She tried to get up, but her legs were so weak she immediately fell back. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” she groaned as she tried to get up again. Her vision blurred, she had to put her hands on her knees until it went back to normal. Jamie got up and looked around, but there was so much light he couldn’t see a thing. “Well, your stories are bullshit. We didn’t travel really far. But I do think this rock conducts electricity,” she said in a grumpy voice. 

They walked down the hill back to the forest. “Where’s the road?” Claire asked him, as if he was supposed to know the answer. “I thought I’d seen one.”

“I thought I’d seen one too.”

“Do you still have the map?” she asked, roughly taking the map from his hand. “So…” she tried to locate their position on the map, looking around for a landmark, but she couldn’t see anything that could help them. “What the fuck,” she sighed, “I need a cigarette and a tall glass of wine.”

“I think we should walk back to the group. I mean…” He looked at his watch. “Mrs. Hildegarde said the bus was leaving at four… it’s almost three thirty.”

They walked back to the group, but after almost thirty minutes of wandering in the forest, they couldn’t see or hear anyone from their class. They started panicking, worried that the class had already left without them. “How are we supposed to get back to Inverness?”

“I don’t think they would leave without us,” Jamie said, trying to be reasonable. “If she saw we were missing, Mrs. Hildegarde would probably send for us.”

His reasoning seemed to calm Claire a bit, but not for long. They were back to the parking spot where the bus had left them, except there was no bus and there was no parking lot. They recognized the location by the stream and the small bridge over it, but the parking lot was gone. 

“Um…I…” Jamie started.

“Where the fuck is the parking lot?” Claire asked, looking around, a hand on her forehead to shield her eyes from the sun. She turned around to see that his face was white, looking as if he had just seen a ghost. “What?”

He blinked and looked at her, swallowing hard. “Do you think it’s possible? Do you think we traveled in time?”

She rolled her eyes with a loud grunt. “Please, Jamie. Your fairy stories won’t help us get back to Inverness.”

“Don’t you find it odd that the parking lot has disappeared? Like literally disappeared? It was there a few hours ago.” 

“Wise observation,” she said sarcastically.

“Have you noticed that the road is gone as well?”

Claire grunted, impatient. Her head was throbbing and Jamie was talking too much. She just wanted him to shut up and actually try to find a way back to the city instead of focusing on folktales from his childhood. “I need a break,” she sat on a rock, putting a cigarette between her lips and lighting it.

“Ye think smoking will get us back to the hotel?”

She closed her eyes, massaging her temples with her fingers. Sighing, she took a long puff of her cigarette and blew it out. “No, but it will ease my headache. Do you want one?” She offered him her cigarette but he shook his head.

“No, I don’t smoke.” He put his hands in his pockets and looked around, avoiding looking at her. 

It wasn’t possible. The chances that they had actually traveled somewhere in time was impossible. He told himself they were probably lost, that they had walked in the wrong direction and ended up in a place that looked just like the parking lot. He almost believed it, but it was too silent. Of course, the Highlands were a peaceful and quiet place, yet the silence was too heavy. Something was wrong, Jamie could smell it.

Claire crushed the cigarette on the grass and got up. “Alright—”

She was interrupted by the sound of someone firing a gun. They both froze, looking around to see who had fired. They heard screams in English and what Claire thought sounded like Gaelic. Men were running in the forest, followed by men dressed in red coats.

“What the—”

One of the men heard her and turned to see both of them standing in the middle of nowhere. The Redcoat fired in their direction and with a scream, Claire started running away. 

“Claire, wait!” Jamie said, following her into the depths of the woods.

She was running fast, so it wasn’t long until he lost complete sight of her. “Claire!” he called after her, his vision blurring every step he took. What was going on? Had they stepped onto a film set? Then why had the man with the red coat fired at them for real?

He stopped running, looking around, trying to hear her steps. “Claire?” he said in a lower voice, breathless. 

Jamie heard the branches crack behind him. When he turned around, it wasn’t Claire, but an angry man with a big beard who then hit Jamie on the head with the back of his sword.

***

The first thing that came to Claire’s mind when she woke up was the intense pain in the back of her head. She tried to open her eyes, but the light coming from the window was too bright for her throbbing head. She groaned, burying her face in the pillow that smelled different from the one she had at home.

She had dreamt of weird things. Being out in the Highlands with Jamie Fraser at first, then touching a giant stone and being chased in the forest by English soldiers. She thought those dreams were probably the result of a fever.

She turned around in bed, slowly opening her eyes. Blinking, she realized that the room she was in was nothing like her room in Lamb’s flat. Not only were the decorations different, but there was also no noise from the street. Most stark of all, there was a strong smell in the air. A smell that reminded her of the old books in her parents’ library. 

Sitting up in bed, she put a hand on the bulge on the back of her head. “Oww.” Starting to worry, she tried to locate familiar things in the bedroom that looked like it came straight out of the 18th century. When the door opened and a tall red-headed man entered, she let out a sigh of relief. 

“Jamie!” When her eyes trailed down on him, her brows furrowed at the sight of him and she suddenly didn’t feel all too relieved. “What happened to your pants? Why are you wearing a skirt?”

He closed the door and walked to the bed. The mattress groaned under his weight when he sat next to her. “It’s a kilt.”

“Right. Why are you wearing a kilt?”

He swallowed hard. She noticed the whiteness of his face and the dark circles under his eyes. “Ye have to calm down when I tell you this…”

“Where are we?” she asked, moving to get up and run away. He put a hand on her arm, trying to stay calm.

“Claire, we’re in 1743.”


	3. Things I Don't Understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ''How infinite is space and who decides your fate  
> Why everything will dissolve into sand  
> How to avoid defeat where truth and fiction meet  
> Why nothing ever turns out as you plan''

“Claire… we’re in 1743.” 

The words echoed in her head over and over again. 1743. She thought he must joking with her, but when she remembered the men in the woods and the castle-like room that she was currently in, she couldn’t help but think he might be right.

“1743? How is that even possible?”

He blushed, looking down at his feet. “I… we touched the stone, and—”

“Really?” She rolled her eyes.

“Well what else?” he responded helplessly, lifting his arms in the air in an exaggerated shrug.

“How do you know we’re in 1743? And where the devil are we?”

He took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “We’re in Castle Leoch, the castle of the Clan MacKenzie. The men we… encountered in the forest… they brought us back here. When I woke up, I was ordered to bathe and change clothes before going to see the Laird. I saw a paper in his office, and it was dated 1743.”

Claire pushed the sheets off her and got out of bed. She began pacing around the room, trying to think through their current situation. Time travel. She tried to convince herself that cameras were going enter the room sometime soon to tell her she was part of some comedy tv show, but the voice inside of her told her that Jamie was telling the truth, no matter how crazy it seemed.

“Uh, Claire, there’s another thing. I dinna ken if I should tell ye right away… but I told the Laird that… that we are married.”

Claire turned around to face him. “What?” 

“Because,” he began as he moved back, protectively lifting his hands in front of him as she walked towards him, “because I thought that this way he would not seperate us. Look… I don’t want to part from you. This situation — it’s as scary for me as much as it is for you. If for whatever reason he tries to separate us… we traveled in the past together. We’re not going back in our own time without the other.”

She nodded in understanding, though she could see that his slanted blue eyes were scared to death. 

“Promise me!” he exclaimed, his voice shaking. “Promise me that you won’t go back in time without me.”

She calmed herself down and took his hand. “I promise I won’t.” 

Jamie nodded, letting out a sigh. “Christ… I canna believe this.” She sat next to him, still holding his hand. It was big and warm, and Claire found it reassuring. “Since I was a wee lad I heard stories. Stories of time traveling, legends and folktales about the circles of standing stones all around Scotland. And now, well, now we’re here.” He looked up at her and smiled shyly. 

“What if we can’t go back? Jesus Christ, our families must be worried to death!” Claire got up, the short moment of serenity suddenly gone, replaced by panic creeping in her chest. “Oh, God…” 

The door opened and a woman entered the room. “Ye’re awake!” she exclaimed. “I thought ye were never going to wake up.” Servants entered the room behind her, bringing in new clothes and hot water. When they left the room after preparing the bath, the woman told Claire to take her clothes off. She shot a look at Jamie who immediately rose from her bed. “I won’t be far away,” he said, and left the room. When he closed the door behind him, Claire felt a pit in her stomach. She wanted to call after him and ask him to stay. She didn’t want him to leave her alone. All in all, she was happy he had told the Laird they were married. 

“Come on, we don’t have all the day for this,” the woman said. 

Claire took her coat off and kicked off her boots. She swallowed, hoping the woman wouldn’t leave her to burn as a witch after seeing her underwear. The woman pulled Claire’s t-shirt off and pushed down her pants. Claire shyly looked up at her, her cheeks turning red when she saw the woman was staring at her underwear with a look of wonder. Claire cleared her throat before speaking. “It’s a… a brassière. From France,” she said, swearing in her head for using such a stupid excuse, but by the understanding look on the woman’s face, Claire was reassured that she had said the right thing. 

She hesitated, but saw that the woman was waiting for her to do it, so Claire unclipped her “brassière from France” and let it fall to the ground. Cursing in her head, she pushed her underwear on the floor. “There! Took two hundred years, but we’re done wi’ it.”

The woman smiled at Claire, making her feel slightly more comfortable. 

She walked to the basin and sat in the water, sighing at the contact of the warmth on her skin. “Oh, God. That’s good.”

“There.” The woman gave her soap, encouraging her to wash right away. Claire wished she could stay in the hot water longer, but as soon as she was done washing, the woman gave her a cloth to dry her body. 

She dressed her with a shift and what seemed like thousands of layers. Claire lost count as she was finally dressed up. Standing in the mirror, looking at the reflection, she didn’t recognize herself. 

***

By the time Claire was ready to leave her room, it was dinner time in the castle hall. Following the maid, whose name as Claire discovered was Mrs. Fitz, she couldn’t help but look around in wonder, thinking that Uncle Lamb would be overjoyed to be walking around an 18th century castle… in the 18th century. 

Jamie met them on their way to the hall and the sight of him took a weight off her shoulder. “Ye look great,” he smiled shyly.

She chuckled, shaking her head and putting her hands on her breasts. “I feel like my boobs are going to burst out of this dress.” 

He smiled, careful not to look at the breasts in question, fighting the temptation to do so . “Aye, weel, everybody wears it this way. It’s like the kilt… wi’out underwear.”

“Your accent. It’s strong,” she noticed, smiling softly at him, making his heart hammer in his chest like a stupid teenager in love.

“Tends to happen when I’m around Scots who speak with such a strong accent. Even I can’t always understand what they say,” he said in a low voice to be sure the maid wouldn’t hear them. 

They made their entrance in the hall and noticed that everybody had stopped talking and were now looking at them. They exchanged a look with each other and continued walking into the hall, following a man to the Laird’s table. Once they were seated, everybody continued talking. 

Jamie was seating between the Laird and Claire, not sure exactly what to say. “‘Tis my wife, Claire McTavish.”

“You both are welcomed here until you find your way back home. Slainte Mhath,” he said, lifting his glass. Claire did the same before taking a long sip of the drink. She choked, coughing at the strong taste of the wine.

The Laird smiled faintly. “Do you like the rhenish?” 

“It’s quite strong,” Claire smiled back. “I like it.” She took a long sip, thinking it must be an acquired taste, but she needed alcohol in her blood. 

“I trust Mrs. FitzGibbons found you comfortable lodgings?”

“Yes,” Jamie said with a nod. “Thank ye.”

“She’s a wonder,” Claire added, smiling.

The Laird’s eyes shifted to her before going back to Jamie. “We hope that the five days ye’ll spend with us will be well accomodated for ye.”

“Five days?” Claire almost choked on her second glass of rhenish. She felt Jamie’s feet on hers under the table, warning her to stay calm, assuring her that he was in control of the situation.

“Ye said ye were coming from Oxfordshire? And that ye are going to Edinburgh?”

“Aye,” Jamie answered carefully. The Laird likely wouldn’t read anything on his face, but Claire was starting to know Jamie better, and she could see he was nervous. 

“Leoch is a long way from Edinburgh…”

“Aye, but we wanted to stop by the lands of Clan Fraser. I have family there — family I have never met. We wanted to go meet them before settling in Edinburgh.”

“Clan Fraser ye say?”

“Aye, Lallybroch,” Jamie said, taking a sip of his drink and letting out a sigh. “Thank ye for having us here, but we are both verra tired after the long days of traveling. Do ye mind if we retire early tonight?”

The Laird stayed silent for a moment, looking at Jamie, never giving attention to Claire. “Have a good night, then,” he smiled politely and nodded. 

Putting a hand on the small of her back, Jamie guided Claire out of the hall. “It’s fine, I can walk on my own,” she grunted in a low voice.

He rolled his eyes and let go of her. Their vision was starting to blur because of the alcohol and they had to put a hand on the wall to walk steadily. “I might as well not have been there,” Claire said. 

“Weel, men are famous for the way they treated women in the past. I’m your husband, I’m the chief, and ye have nothing to say about the decisions that I make.”

She looked up at him, brows furrowed, and he blushed. “That’s what they thought. I don’t think that, but ye can’t tell me it’s not the truth.”

She sighed and shook her head. “I can’t say you’re wrong, unfortunately.”

They finally reached their room and when they entered, there was a fire burning in the chimney, and the room was ready for them to go to sleep. With a sigh of relief, Claire closed the door of the room. She turned around and saw Jamie standing uncomfortably in the middle of the room. “What is it?”

“Weel…” He pointed to the bed with his chin. 

“It was your idea to say we are married,” she said in a annoyed voice, pretending she was mad about it when, on the contrary, she was thankful. 

“I ken. Do ye want me to sleep on the floor?”

“I wouldn’t make you do that, Jamie. You can sleep with me.”

He tried his best to look completely casual about the fact that he was going to sleep in the same bed as Claire Beauchamp. “Do you have a favourite side of the bed?” he asked, taking off his coat.

“Are you really asking me this? I don’t give a fuck.” 

“It’s because I prefer the right side.” 

She looked up at him, his cheeks growing blushed, and she couldn’t help but smile. “Really?” A wide grin appeared on her face.

“Aye,” he smiled shyly. “I dinna ken why, but it’s always been like this.”

She untied her skirt and let it fall on the ground. “Alright, then take the right side.”

“Thank ye,” he nodded and went on kicking off his boots. Claire looked at him with a smile and shook her head.

She continued undressing, layer by layer. She turned around to Jamie and saw that he still had his kilt on. “You won’t be taking it off?”

He blushed, shrugging. “I dinna want ye to feel uncomfortable.”

“I don’t mind. You will feel uncomfortable, though, if you keep it on.” 

He smirked, lifting his red brows. “Ye’re really insisting that I take all my clothes off, aren’t ye?” he teased her. It was her turn to blush. She stammered something, but he laughed. “I’m joking, Claire.”

Cheeks red, she looked away and unlaced her corset. Jamie couldn’t help but look at her from the corner of his eyes as she did so. Once she was done and only wearing her shift, she turned to look at him. He looked away immediately, pretending he was staring at the painting on the wall. 

She walked to the bed and laid under the covers. “Are you coming?” 

“Aye,” he said softly, his heart hammering in his chest as he made his way to the bed. It was nothing, they were just sharing a bed in an 18th-century castle, yet it was more than he could ever have asked for. The mattress shifted under his weight when he climbed next to her. They lied on their backs, staring at the ceiling in an awkward silence. 

“Things could be worse,” he said in a soft voice. 

“You know you don’t always have to see the bright side of things. We fucking time traveled, Jamie. How are we supposed to explain that to anyone without risking being locked up in a mental institution?”

“We don’t have to say anything,” he shrugged. “Look, in five days, we’ll go back to Inverness and find our way back to the circle of standing stones and—”

“Why did you tell him we’ll leave in five days by the way?”

“He told me that a traveler was coming from Edinburgh. He said he has to stop here before going to Inverness, so I asked him if he thought we could travel with him back to Inverness.”

“In five days, Jamie! What if we can’t go back through the stones in five days? I mean, maybe the portal is only open for a few hours before it closes and we’re stuck in here forever.”

He chuckled. She turned her head to look at him with an annoyed look on her face. “What now?”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry. But did ye hear us speak? Time travel, portals… have we gone mad?”

She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. “I don’t know.”

They stayed in silence for a moment. “Well… if I have to be stuck in time with someone, I’m glad it’s wi’ ye,” Jamie said. 

Claire opened her eyes to look at him and smiled. “Me too. You’re the only living soul who doesn’t get on my nerves, so I’m thankful at least for that.”

“Everybody? Even Frank?” Jamie immediately regretted the words as he said them, but it was too late. 

Claire didn’t seem to be bothered by the mention of her boyfriend though. She rolled her eyes with a grunt. “Especially Frank.”

He felt foolish. He always imagined they were happily in love, even if he could see Claire was just a shadow of herself. To hear the words coming from her mouth gave him a self-centered sense of satisfaction that he was ashamed of. After everything she’d been through, he wanted her to be happy. But he wanted her to be happy with someone better than Frank. She deserved better than this snobby British arsehole. 

“Why?” Jamie asked innocently, not really knowing what to say. 

“You know him.”

“Well, not really. No.” He wanted her to tell him everything, but he knew these were personal questions and she probably didn’t want to share details of her life with a stranger. 

“He’s just… never there. He’s always thinking about himself and you know… I know everybody’s a little selfish and you have to be at some point, but… I just wish that when he’s with me, he’s really there.” She took a deep breath and shrugged. “I just wish that I had someone who would be there for me and I could be there for him. And we could just… dive into it together.” Jamie held her gaze until she looked away, swallowing. “Anyway,” she said, her voice slightly shaking.

He didn’t answer, not really knowing what to say. He wanted to scream, to tell her that she’d be better with him, that he would always be there for her and never leave her. 

“It’s been a long day,” she said, turning on her side so her back was to him. “Good night, Jamie.”

He looked at her, the curve of her hips and her curls around her head on the pillow. He wanted to take her in his arms and say that everything was going to be alright. But he couldn’t say something like this after the last hours. He wasn’t so sure that things would get easier for them. 

“Good night,” he whispered.


	4. Everything's Not Lost

It was a cold November day and it seemed like the world had stopped. It hadn’t stopped raining since Jamie woke up, confused after experiencing the strangest dream. When he saw Claire sleeping next to him, taking up most of the space in the bed, almost making him fall off it, he was brought back to reality. 

She was snoring softly, her curls scattered around on the pillow, and her foot was resting against his leg. He remembered her kicking him a few times during the night and he couldn’t help but smile. He wanted to stay in bed with her and watch her sleep, but he quickly decided that it would be either creepy or inappropriate, considering that she was not with him, but with Frank.

He winced, tired of always being reminded of it. After what she told him the previous night about their relationship, he should be relieved to hear that they weren’t the perfect couple, yet he couldn’t help but feel a the emotional burden of her confession. Maybe she didn’t mean what she’d said after all. The last few days had been exhausting, perhaps she had spoken words she would soon forget when they eventually would go back to their own time.

Gracefully jumping out of bed, Jamie dressed and got out of the room and headed towards the kitchen. Nobody talked to him, instead only shooting curious or suspicious glances at him. He rapidly put cheese on a plate and filled two bowls with porridge before going back to their room. 

Claire was still sleeping deeply, now turned on her belly, face buried in the pillow. He didn’t know if he should wake her up, so he instead sat at the table and started to eat, looking out the window. He still had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that they were in 1743 — that they had traveled through time. Just the thought of it made him want to laugh, yet as he looked at the wet grass outside the castle, he couldn’t help but feel a shiver run down his spine. He could feel it in the air that something was different, lighter. However, he also felt like death and despair were floating in the air. 

“You’re awake,” Claire said, her voice hoarse with sleep. She was sitting on the bed, yawning. She ran a hand in her wild curls and let out a sigh. “It’s late, isn’t it? I usually don’t oversleep, but apparently this trip has exhausted me.”

“It’s fine. I just woke up myself,” Jamie said.

She got up and immediately wrapped the tartan plaid around her shoulders, coming to sit in front of him. “Oh, room service?” she smiled, looking up at him. Her whisky eyes were tired and sparkless. Jamie swallowed, feeling his heart sink in his chest at the sight of her. She had changed a lot since she had come with her parents to Lallybroch. He remembered her bolting out of her room at seven in the morning, dressed and ready for the day, a book tucked under her arm. She was very talkative, telling everyone who was willing to listen about the pages she’d read before sleeping or what she wanted to do during the day. It broke his heart to see her like this and he really wished he could do something to help her, but he didn’t know what. They were strangers, after all. They weren’t close friends, and as much as he wanted to support her, he didn’t feel like he could put her at ease. 

“Aye, I think the more we stay away from the people here, the better it’ll be.”

She took a bit of cheese and looked out the window. His breath was caught in his throat when he looked at her. She was beautiful, the pillow still printed on her face and her cheeks pink after a long night of sleep. For a moment, he wished the circumstances were different, that instead of being with her by force, she was in his room after spending the night making love to each other. 

She turned her face to him and he looked down, his cheeks turning crimson red.

“What are the plans for today?” she asked, not noticing he’d been staring at her.

He shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. “I dinna ken. I guess we just wait until the travel from Edinburgh arrives.”

She sighed, anxiously eating the rest of her porridge. “I don’t like it, Jamie. Instead of doing something, instead of trying to go back, we just stay here and wait. I don’t like feeling useless while maybe our chances of ever going back to our own time are fading away with each passing day.”

“What do you want to do?” he asked, sounding more annoyed than he wanted to. It was stupid, but he couldn’t help but feel like she wanted to run away from him every time she talked about her need to go back. “We dinna ken the way to go to Inverness and we dinna ken the way to the stones. The roads that we know don’t exist, yet.”

“Do you really think that the Laird is gonna let us leave like that? He suspects us of something. What do you think will happen if he knows we’re fucking time travelers? We’re gonna burn at the stakes for witchcraft.”

Jamie closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “And what do you think will happen if we try to run away and his men catch us? He’ll imprison us in his castle and we’ll never leave!”

“Whatever,” she said as she pushed the plate in front of her, getting up. She started to dress in the thousands of layers of her dress and put her hair up in a bun. 

“What are ye doing?” Jamie asked.

“I’m going out. I need air. I need to be left alone to think.”

She got out, slamming the door shut.

***

Claire wandered as far as she could without getting lost. She walked along the hills, not caring about the rain soaking her clothes or about the ever-increasing possibility of catching a cold. Like every day since her parents passed away, her heart was heavy and she couldn’t help the tears streaming down her face. She hated to cry, she hated to feel this way. She was feeling desperate. It had been a while since her parents had died and she wished she could stop feeling the pain of their loss so strong every day, making her feet heavy and crushing her chest.

Normally, she would deal with the pain by lying on her bed with her headphones on or by smoking a cigarette while reading a book that only made her feel even more miserable. Now, both of those options were gone. She was in a strange world, walking on a strange land, with a feeling of emptiness growing in her belly. A feeling like her soul was drowning in her fears. 

She wished she could let go, but she didn’t know how to do it without letting her parents down. She thought that if she started to live again, she would forget them, and it scared her. That fear stopped her from living the happy life she wanted to live. 

She didn’t know for how long she walked, but at some point, the rain stopped and was replaced by a rare ray of sunshine piercing through the clouds on a November day. On her way back to the castle, she saw Jamie walk in her direction, his mop of red hair flying around his head. The sight of him brought a mix of joyful relief and sadness at the thought that she would never have him. She couldn’t have him — he deserved better than a mess like her.

Fortunately, she had stopped crying and there were no more traces of the tears on her face, but she knew Jamie would see it in her eyes. One of the things she loved about him was that he didn’t pity her. She knew he felt bad for her, and she always felt his support whenever he looked at her, but he never acted like she was a poor dog starving in the street.

“Can I walk with you?” he asked, and she nodded in approval. 

They walked to the top of the hill in silence, looking at the landscape, until Jamie finally spoke. “If you want to run away, we can try.”

She shook her head, letting out a small sigh. “No, you’re right. We better wait until the traveler comes. It’s safer.”

“What if there’s no traveler? Who knows, maybe he’s just playing with us. I’ve been thinking about it and I think yer right, Claire. We should try to leave, we canna stay here. Our family must be worried to death. We are probably declared missing in our time.”

“We don’t know where to go…”

“Aye, I think I could remember the way back to Inverness. We could steal a horse and leave. Tomorrow, what do you say?”

She shrugged, a smile forming on her lips. 

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just… I feel like I’m in a book.”

He smiled back, looking at her with kind eyes. “Have ye ever read a book like this?”

She shook her head, chuckling. She was happy that he showed interest in the books she read. Frank never did. Hell, Frank probably didn’t even know she loved to read more than he did. “No, I don’t think so. But I did read one book about a plane crashing in Canada. It’s different, but it kinda makes me think of our… situation.”

“Why?” he asked. They were currently on top of the hill, the lands in front of them endless. The sight of the land they’d have to explore like thieves running away in the night should scare them, but at that moment, it made them feel peaceful. 

“Their need to go back to their town. And the characters make me think of you and me,” she smiled. “One of the guys thinks he’s so smart,” she chuckled, making Jamie close his eyes and sigh, pretending to be annoyed, “and the other basically wants to kill the rest of the world.”

“Oh, that makes me think of someone,” Jamie smiled. She hit his shoulder, shaking her head. “You know what they do in movies when they need to blow off some steam?”

She frowned, looking at him doubtful. “What?”

“Either they throw things or they scream.”

She laughed, but saw that he was serious. “Wait, you’re not kidding.”

“No. Try it,” he said, pointing in front of him at the land with his chin.

“No,” she laughed, uncomfortable. “It’s stupid.”

“Nobody will judge you,” he held her gaze, a stupid smile on his face. “Alright, I’ll go first.” He cleared his throat. “GO GLASGOW WARRIORS!” he screamed, making Claire laugh.

“You’re impossible.”

“Come on,” he said. “DO IT! IT FEELS GOOD!”

She blushed, feeling her heart hammer in her chest and swallowing the scream that wanted to leave her lips. “What do you want me to say?”

“ANYTHING!”

“Woohoo!” she exclaimed.

“Come on, that’s boring!” Jamie’s cheeks were red and his eyes were shining like those of a little boy. 

She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “I HATE AVOCADOS!” she screamed.

Jamie turned, bursting into laughter. “That’s what first came to your mind?”

She joined him, laughing deeply. It felt good. “It’s better than ‘Let’s go Glasgow Warriors’.”

“‘I WANT TO BREAK FREE! I WANT TO BREAK FREE FROM YOUR LIES!’” he screamed, tuneless. 

“YEEEEEE HAW!”

They went on screaming and laughing until they lost their voices and had no more air to breathe.

***

Jamie was lying in bed, his eyes closed, when Claire opened the curtain around the bed and climbed in after taking a needed bath. “Feels good, uh?”

“Bathing after a few days? God, yes,” she chuckled. “How long has it been? Three days?”

He shrugged. “I dinna ken… Everything is blurred.”

She laid back down, letting out a sigh. Her legs were aching after spending the day walking and her ribs hurt everytime she breathed, sore because of the tight corset she was not used to wearing. She wondered how women of that time did it, dressing up like that every day. She was also happy that her period was still a few weeks away. Without underwear, it wouldn’t be the most comfortable thing.

They didn’t want to be a part of the castle, but they had had no other choice but to go eat dinner with the people of Leoch. At least they didn’t have to sit with the Laird and his family that night. 

After eating as fast as they could, they went to their room to wash and get some rest. Even if they hadn’t done much in the past day, they were exhausted and wanted to do nothing but sleep.

Claire was feeling peaceful that night, more than she had in the past two years. After her day with Jamie, her heart was full and she was beaming. She loved to be with him and now remembered why they had been such good friends during their time spent together when they were younger. She was much younger at the time, but she still remembered the taste of his lips and their warmth on her mouth. She still remembered the shiver that ran through her body when his hands touched her. She craved the days when she was a young and naive girl, carefree and living fully. She wanted to feel like that again. At that time, Jamie was a cute boy, but now he was an amazingly good-looking lad, with a charming smile and big muscles. She blushed, wondering how it would feel to have him on top of her.

“Claire?”

“Sorry,” she said, her blushing deepening as she was brought back to reality. “What did you say?”

“I said that tomorrow, I could go to the stables and check to find a horse. You could go to the kitchen and prepare food for a few days. We should try to leave during the night.”

“Okay,” she nodded, her voice hoarse. 

He frowned. She was an open book and she could easily read in the fold between her brows that she was worried. “Do ye still want to do it?”

“Yes, of course,” she smiled reassuringly, suddenly panicking at the idea of going back to her life. No matter how strange things were here, she felt more free. Free of the same tiring life in Edinburgh she wanted to break free from, free of facing the reality of her life. Here, time was stopped and it seemed like there was nobody else in the world.

“We’re gonna make it. I have a good feeling about this,” he said reassuringly. 

“I know.”

“We should sleep so that we’re in good shape tomorrow. We don’t know when the next time we’ll be able to sleep in a comfortable bed will be.”

She nodded, but he could see in her eyes that there was something else.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m tired, Jamie,” she said in a breath. He knew she didn’t mean she wanted to sleep. He pressed his lips together and swallowed.

“I know,” he whispered, and her eyes were filled with tears. “It won’t last forever. Like Stevie Nicks says: ‘Heartbreak of the moment is not endless’,” he said, immediately regretting the words as they escaped his lips. He was surprised by her chuckle. 

“Stevie Nicks?”

He blushed, shrugging. “It’s true.”

She smiled and nodded. “You’re right.”

They stayed a moment in silence, on their sides, facing each other. He wanted to say something that would make her feel better, but everything that came to his mind seemed stupid. He wanted her to know he was there for her and that she could tell him anything, but she wouldn’t, and he was afraid it was because he never knew what words to use. 

“I listen to music at night. It helps me fall asleep. Actually, it’s the only way I can fall asleep fast.”

He looked into her whisky eyes, glazed with unshed tears. “What do you listen to?”

“Mostly Coldplay,” she said in a breath and he nodded. Clearly, he didn’t understand her meaning. “Sing for me, Jamie.”

He blushed. “Ye ken I canna sing.”

“I don’t care.”

He took a deep, shaky breath. He hated to sing in front of people, but for her, he’d do anything. “What do you want me to sing?”

“Anything that comes to your mind,” she said, closing her eyes.

“Turn your magic on to me she’d say -” he stopped when she opened one eye to look at him with a bored look. “Alright, not this one,” he laughed nervously.

“When I counted up my demons  
Saw there was one for every day  
With the good ones on my shoulder  
I drove the other ones away,” he sang tunelessly and took a deep breath, listening to the sound of the fire cracking in the fireplace.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered.

“If you ever feel neglected  
If you think all is lost  
I'll be counting up my demons   
Hoping everything's not lost”

She opened her eyes and a tear fell down on the pillow. “Sorry,” he said.

She forced a smile and put a hand on his before turning on the other side, her back to him.


	5. A Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Your heavy heart  
> Is made of stone  
> And it's so hard to see clearly  
> You don't have to be on your own
> 
> And I'm not gonna stand and wait  
> Not gonna leave it until it's much too late  
> On a platform, I'm gonna stand and say  
> That I'm nothing on my own  
> And I love you please come home"

Claire spent the following day gathering supplies, initially from the kitchen and then managing to sneak into the surgery and steal what could work as a first aid kit. Jamie and Claire had decided they would flee on horseback into the woods, not knowing for how long their voyage would be. Claire’s summers spent in Egypt and Ireland on archeological sites with her Uncle Lamb had taught her that you could never never too careful.

In the meantime, Jamie went to see the horses, trying to find which one would serve them best for the ride. One that wouldn’t be scared of him, that could carry the two of them over a long distance, and who could run fast in case they were followed.

He had spent the last few days wandering around the castle. At first, running away hadn’t been a serious option in his mind, but he still had thought about it and calculated their chance of succeeding. At the time, he would have thought it was impossible; but now, he felt that they had a chance.

For the first time since they arrived, Claire slept restlessly and spent the entire day wanting it to be over. She didn’t eat breakfast, feeling her heart in her throat the entire time, and went to grab a bit of cheese during the afternoon. She packed a pair of trousers and a shirt that were both given to Jamie in a plaid, and put it with the rest of the supplies. She wasn’t the kind of girl who enjoyed wearing dresses, especially ones as restraining as the style she had to wear. If she wanted to run in the woods, she’d have to be comfortable. Also, returning to her time dressed in pants and a shirt would stir less questions than wearing an 18th-century gown. 

She was sitting on the bed in the room she occupied with Jamie, listening to the sound of the rain and the blowing wind. She hadn’t stepped outside yet, but she could feel in her bones that it was a cold day. It will likely be a cold night then, she thought.

Looking by the window, she tried to imagine the various scenarios of how she was going to escape away with Jamie. During the day, they had talked about sneaking out by the kitchens to the stables, where Claire would take the horse while Jamie would ensure the path was safe. They’d meet not far from there, climb on the horse and travel in the direction of a mountain that looked like a cock’s tail, until they stumbled upon the road that led to Inverness.

Jamie opened the door to the room, surprising her. A cold breeze from the hallway came in, making every hair on her body stand up. “So?” she asked, her voice slightly shaking. “Is everything ready?” 

“Aye,” he said, sitting in front of the fireplace, rubbing his hands together to create warmth. “I found the perfect horse for us and I think I ken a safe path to leave the limits of the castle. My only worry is that it’s verra cold outside. I just hope we willna freeze to death.”

“You said we rode for five hours when we arrived?” she asked, getting up to reach the table where she’d set the food, clothes, and medical supplies. “It’s not so bad.”

“No, but the man who brought us here knew the way. We don’t. If we get lost, we could be stuck in the woods for days.”

“I thought you knew the way! You seemed so confident before and now you… Jesus fucking Christ,” she sighed, sitting on the chair next to the table, burying her face in her hands.

Jamie closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead with his knuckles. “Look, Claire…” He got up and put a hand on her shoulder, bending down in front of her. “I think I know, but it will be dark and we’ll be in a rush. It’s a possibility.”

“I know,” she sighed, looking up at him. “I’m sorry, I overreacted. I’m just nervous about all of this.” 

“Aye, I ken. I am too,” he smiled reassuringly. “We’ll find a way out. He’s not holding us prisoner here. If we get caught, we can say we were just trying to go home. It’ll be fine, I promise, Sassenach.”

Her eyebrows shut up, surprised to hear that word, and the corners of her mouth curled up. “Sassenach? It’s been a while since the last time you called me that.”

He blushed, shrugging out of pretense that it was nothing.

“What does it mean? I always wanted to ask you.”

“Well, it only means an English person, an outlander.”

“Oh, sweet,” she chuckled, teasing him. It only made his blushing deepen.

“Well, I dinna mean it that way, it’s just… well… anyway,” he got up, “is everything ready for tonight?”

 

“Yes, I have lots of bread, some cheese, and potatoes we can try to cook if we happen to find a pan. I also found a bottle of wine.”

He raised one eyebrow in her direction, the corner of his mouth curled up. “Aye, of course.”

“It’ll keep us warm,” she shrugged, smiling sheepishly. 

He smiled in response and put all of their supplies in the plaid. “We should leave when the sun sets and everybody gathers to eat supper. What do you think?” 

She nodded, not minding much about when they were going to go as long as they actually left this bloody castle. “I hope we’ll be able to do it. Travel back, I mean.”

Jamie nodded, once again cursing in his head when he felt a pinch in his stomach at her desire of going back. She is not leaving you, Jamie. She just wants her normal life back. And perhaps Frank. Probably Frank. “Aye,” he muttered. She frowned, expecting him to be more excited at the idea of going back home.

***

When the time came, they left their room and looked at each other one last time before parting ways. “See ye soon,” he smiled reassuringly, and left with the supplies.

Claire sneaked out of the castle and walked rapidly towards the stables, trying not to be noticed. She walked to the tall black horse Jamie had picked for their adventure and took an apple out of her pocket. “Hey there, boy,” she said in a soft voice. At the sight of the apple, the horse’s eyes went wide with excitement. She extended her hand into his cabin and gently rubbed his nose. At that moment, he was in love with her. She took the reigns and let him out. “Now, if you want the apple, you stay silent,” she whispered. Once out of the stables, she climbed onto his back and gave him the apple, silently thanking her uncle for teaching her how to mount when they were in Ireland. 

She kicked him and they rode off to Jamie, who was waiting behind a tree. “Everything’s alright?”

“Aye,” he said, climbing in front of her. “I had to knock one of them out, but he should be alright.”

“You wha—”

“Hey!” Screamed a voice from behind them.

“Shit!” Jamie kicked the horse in the ribs and he started to run fast like a comet. 

Claire looked behind her shoulder and saw a man on a horse running in their direction. “Faster,” she told Jamie.

“I think this the fastest he can go,” he screamed over his shoulder.

Another man had joined the chaser, and before she knew it, four men were chasing after them. At some point, she heard the sound of a gun being fired and more screams coming from the men. “They’re shooting at us!” she screamed at Jamie, panicked.

She couldn’t help but look behind, her arms tightly wrapped around his waist. A moment that felt like an eternity later, she didn’t see or hear them anymore. They rode for what seemed like hours, until slowly the adrenaline started to leave their body. They were heading to the Cocknammon rocks, at least that’s what she thought, based on the shape of shadow in the clouds beside them.

Suddenly, she felt the fatigue of the day fall on her shoulders and she closed her eyes. She felt something wet on her arm and looked down to see that blood was staining her dress. Frowning, she touched the red spot on her dress and felt a burst of pain rush through her body. She pressed her lips together, stopping the moan of pain from escaping her lips. In the dark, she couldn’t see anything, but she knew it was bad. 

Claire decided not to tell Jamie, knowing he’d stop immediately if he knew she’d been shot. She didn’t want them to stop, fearing that the men could catch up with them. She closed her eyes and laid her head on the strong muscles of his back. “Are ye alright?” he asked over his shoulder.

“Yes,” she said in a whisper. “Tired.”

“Sleep if ye can.”

She breathed him in and thought that she wouldn’t mind dying that night. Her pain would stop, and dying in Jamie’s arms would be the best way to go.

She stayed in that position for a moment— minutes or hours, she didn’t really know. Everything was becoming a blur as blood continued leaving her body. She closed her eyes, ready to let her life flow out of her body, when suddenly, she grabbed his shoulder, panic creeping over her. “Jamie, I think I’ve been shot.” It was as if she’d just realized. 

“What?” He laid a hand behind him and she made him touch the spot just below her ribs, where the flesh had been cut deeply. He looked at his bloody fingers and sweared in Gaelic. “We need to stop.”

Apparently, the men really had stopped following them. Jamie and Claire left the path and headed to the first house on sight that stood miles away. “Are ye alright, Claire?” he asked, worry laced into his voice.

“Yes, just a bit lightheaded.”

He put a hand on her leg and held her until they reached the house. It looked deserted, and when Jamie got off the horse and went to the door, he saw that it was locked with chains. “I’ll go see if there’s another way in.”

He managed to sneak in through a window and helped Claire in. He started a fire before leaving her to tie the horse’s reins to a tree. When he came back, her eyes were closed, and for a moment, he was scared she was dead.

“Claire,” he said, panicked, and let out a sigh of relief when she opened her whisky eyes to look at him with a sheepish smile.

“I’m not dead yet,” she mumbled. 

He went to sit next to her by the fire that was burning strong in the fireplace. “Let’s have a look at it, alright?”

She nodded and he unlaced her dress and corset, helping her out of it. He ripped the side of her shift open to see that the bullet had not entered her body, instead having only grazed her skin. Still, the cut was deep and bleeding, making him think she might need stitches.

“Did ye pack a needle and thread?”

“Yes, in the kit,” she said, keeping her eyes shut. “I hope you’re not planning on stitching it, Jamie Fraser, cause I swear, you’re not touching me.”

“We dinna really have a choice, Claire. Ye canna keep the wound opened like that.”

“Why not? I don’t want to catch whatever disease I might get from infected needle stinging in my skin.”

“I can disinfect it with the wine.”

“No, don’t touch the wine. The wine is for drinking.”

He rolled his eyes and went to grab the bottle. “Well, you’ll definitely drink some before.”

“You’re not stitching my wound, Jamie. You’ll make it worse.”

Jamie ripped the bottom of his shirt and disinfected it with wine. It would have to do. He handed the bottle to Claire and she took a long sip. “Oh, god. That’s good,” she breathed, throwing her head back after swallowing the liquid. “Very needed. You want some?”

“After I do this, definitely.” He gently disinfected the wound, making her groan in pain. He went to heat the needle in the flame of the fire, but immediately pulled off his hand.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” she said between clenched teeth. “I should’ve brought another bottle. Or whisky.” 

The only light being the fire in the fireplace, Jamie tried to sit so he wouldn’t shadow his work. He disinfected the needle and thread before handing the bottle back to Claire, who took another long sip. 

“Ready?” he asked, positioning the needle. 

“No! Jamie stop, have you lost your mind? You don’t know how to stitch!”

“Well, I ken how to knit and I did a first aid course. Look, ‘tis no better than leaving ye to bleed to death.”

“Just do it, for fuck’s sake.”

“Ok. 3...2…” He stung her skin with the needle.

She let out a groan of pain, grabbing his fist so hard that he grunted in pain as well. “Fuck!” she exclaimed. “What is wrong with you?”

“I’ll just do a few stitches.. One or two just to say—”

“Just stop talking and fucking do it,” she said between clenched teeth, her eyes dark with pain. She didn’t say anything until he was done and disinfected the butcher job he did, but it was the best he could do. He wrapped a cloth around her waist and noticed a tattoo on her ribs.

“Tomorrow, if we reach Inverness, we’ll try to find someone in a hospital or somewhere where they can do a better job.”

He helped her get up and she painfully walked to the supplies. “I’ll change. Turn around.”

“Do you need help?”

“No, it’s fine. Just don’t use this as an excuse to look at my boobs.”

He rolled his eyes and turned around waiting until she was done dressing up. A few minutes later, he was growing impatient. “Are ye done?”

“Wait a minute for Christ’s sake. You just fucking butchered me, give me time.”

“Yeah, well that was the point of asking you if ye needed help, I—”

“Can you please stop talking Jamie? You talk too much and my head hurts, thanks to you.”

He grunted something in Gaelic and waited until she had changed into a new shirt and trousers. “Now give me the bottle of wine,” she said.

Claire fell asleep before she could drink the equivalent of a glass of wine. Her eyelids were heavy and she laid down, her head resting on Jamie’s thighs, and immediately fell asleep. He couldn’t help but look down at her, looking at the features of her face relaxed with sleep, her eyebrows frowning from time to time. He really wanted to touch her face, to run a hand in her curls. Anything to make her feel he was there for her. 

For the first time, he decided that boundaries didn’t exist for now — not after everything they’d been through. He hesitantly reached to put a curl away from her face. When she didn’t move, he ran his fingers in her mop of hair, massaging her scalp. She let out a small moan, a smile forming on her face. “That’s nice,” she whispered. So he went on, twirling a soft curl around his finger, pushing her hair away from her face. For the next few hours, the world had stopped. 

***

Claire woke up before the sun, disturbed by Jamie walking around the house. She opened an eye to see him sitting by the fireplace, cooking what seemed to be a rabbit. She moved to sit up and he turned around to look at her. She put a hand up to her spinning head. 

“Are ye alright?”

“Yes, quite. I’m famished, though.”

“I hope ye like rabbit. It might be a little stiff and not verra spicy, but it’s more filling than bread and cheese. It will give ye strength to continue the journey until we arrive in Inverness.”

She couldn’t help but smile, seeing him like a hunter, preparing the dinner for them. His brows were furrowed, focused on the job he was doing. “Did you go hunt when I was sleeping?”

He looked at her over his shoulder. “Aye. My father taught me how when I was ten. Every time I kill a wee thing, I cry.”

She chuckled. “I’m sorry, but this one will not die in vain.”

“Absolutely not.” He got up and came to sit next to her, the roasted rabbit in hand. “I didna find any plates, so we’ll have to eat wi’ our hands.”

“It’s fine,” she shrugged. “We’re not on a date anyway.”

They ate in silence, their jaws aching in chewing the rabbit. It wasn’t the best meal they ever had, but it was enough to calm the lamentations of their bellies. 

“You have a tattoo,” he said, curious to learn more. 

“Yes. “ She lifted the bottom of her shirt to look at it. “Forget me nots,” she smiled. It was a small delicate tattoo. “I got it after my parents died.”

Oh. 

“I never thought to ask,” she said a moment later, “but since you live in Edinburgh now, do you still go to Lallybroch during weekends or during the summer?”

A shadow crossed his face and Claire immediately regretted asking this stupid question. “No,” he said, “we sold Lallybroch last year. My parents got a divorce two years ago. My father went to live in Aberdeen and I moved to Edinburgh with my Mam, where Jenny studies at University.”

Claire was taken aback, shocked to hear that Ellen and Brian Fraser were divorced. She didn’t know them well, but they always looked like the perfect couple. Apparently, you really never know what happens behind closed doors. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

He shrugged. “It’s fine. Probably better this way,” he said in a low voice, telling her that it wasn’t what he was thinking at all. She put a hand on his arm and smiled reassuringly when he looked up at her. 

There were so many things she wanted to ask him. Jamie was not the type of person who talked easily. Well, yes, he liked to talk, but it was never about personal things she wanted to know. She wanted him to tell her about his parents, she wanted to know about his dreams, his love life, everything. She would ask him, she was a rather direct person, but she didn’t feel she had the right to do so. After all, they were still strangers no matter how close this adventure had brought them.

“They didn’t even tell us why,” he continued. “One Sunday, they invited us for brunch and they announced that they were getting a divorce. We could feel that something was wrong, but… we never thought it was so bad. We thought they loved each other.”

“Maybe they did love each other, but sometimes people grow apart.”

He swallowed and nodded. “Aye, well I guess that’s what happened.”

Jamie didn’t really like to talk about this. Actually, he had never talked to anyone about it until now. But ever since that Sunday morning, Jamie didn’t think he believed in love anymore. If his parents had divorced, then who wouldn’t? Ever since that day, Jamie had been cursed in love. His girlfriend breaking up with him because she loved someone else, Claire coming back in his life only to parade around with a prick like Frank Randall in front of his eyes, no girls showing interest in him — he had had his share of rejection. 

“Love is… damn complicated and we’re just kids.”

He smiled. “Aye.” His heart was hammering in his chest, terribly wanted to tell her everything, but he was afraid. “I… I haven’t been very lucky so far.”

“You have time. You just haven’t met the right person yet.”

He blushed, looking down at the meat in his hand and took a small bit. “Probably,” he muttered. Sometimes, he wished he wasn’t in love with her. He felt like a fool to love a girl who was never going to love him back. While she was living her life, he was stuck with this sinking feeling every time he thought about her. 

“Did you ever have a girlfriend?”

“Aye, the year my parents got a divorce. Her name was Katherine. She was staying at our school for the year. She was from New York. She left me for another lad like… two weeks after my parents announced they were getting a divorce.”

“The bitch!” Claire exclaimed, shooked. 

“Well,” Jamie chuckled, “it wasn’t really nice, ye ken.”

“I can’t believe that. What a heartless bitch. Did you have sex with her?” she asked. He almost choked on the rabbit, taking a sip of wine to stop coughing. “What? It’s a question like any other.”

“Uh… well… yes,” his pink cheeks turning crimson red. 

“And have you had another girlfriend ever since?”

He shook his head, looking down at his feet. 

“And are you interested in someone?” 

Jamie looked away, starting to feel uncomfortable. “I dinna really have time for that. What about Frank? Do you like following him everywhere and feeling his love when he takes two precious minutes of his life to look at ye?”

Her smile slowly disappeared, her eyebrows frowning in confusion. He felt bad for talking to her like that, she didn’t mean to hurt him, but he couldn’t help but feel like she was punching him in the belly everytime she reminded him that she was with someone else. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it, looking at him with sad puppy eyes. Without saying a word, she laid down, facing away from him and looking at the fire. He closed his eyes, the sinking feeling even stronger right now. He regretted every word he said, but it was too late.


	6. Life Is For Living

The morning after, Claire didn’t speak to Jamie. They ate in silence, they left the house in silence, and they made their way to Inverness in silence. Both felt the weight of this drifting apart between them, but Jamie’s words had hurt Claire deeply. Not because of the way he said them, but because she knew they were true.

She knew Frank didn’t care about her, and it was probably the reason she was fine with this relationship. He didn’t give her more of her time than was required in his mind, and he never asked her anything. She knew he didn’t care and that he only liked to walk around with a girlfriend, but it was the same for her. She wasn’t with him for her pride, but because she didn’t want to be alone — even if she felt more lonely with him than when she did on her own.

It was easier to find the way back to Inverness during the day, and the rare ray of sunshine warmed them. It was another cold November day, but she told herself that it would be the last one spent here. After last night, with Jamie’s words causing her more pain than the wound on her flesh did, she didn’t want to spend one more minute in this time period. She wanted to go home, take a burning shower, and bury herself in the covers of her bed and stay there forever. She didn’t want to see him ever again.

After last night, she was sure of one thing: he wasn’t in love with her. He couldn’t be, after the way he talked to her. The last reason that made her want to stay in Scotland was him — and if he didn’t love her, she had no reason to stay.

It took them a few hours before they finally began to see the small town of Inverness in front of them. They were both relieved, their hope of going back home stronger than ever, even if there was no guarantee they could travel back to their own time. The stones could possibly work, but what if they ended up somewhere during the time of the Roman Empire? Or during the Middle Ages? Or even in the future? They put all thoughts of the standing stones away for now and simply enjoyed the accomplishment of arriving in Inverness.

They decided to rent a room in a tavern, where they could eat properly and find a doctor for Claire. Fortunately, Claire found a healer in an apothecary shop down the street. The owner, a woman with red hair and fox eyes, greeted her with a smile and said she was a healer. When she looked at her wound, she told Claire that the stitches were not so bad and that she could keep them until she went back to Edinburgh,when she could see a doctor who could take them off.

While Claire was at the apothecary store, Jamie asked for directions to Craigh na Dun. He said they were going back to Edinburgh and only knew the way that was by the circle of standing stones. He was relieved to hear that the stones were only a few miles from there and it wouldn’t take them long to reach them.

When he came back to the room in the tavern, Claire was sitting by the fire, eating a complete meal and drinking beer. “I brought you food,” she said without looking up at him.

He sat in front of her and ate in silence. From time to time, he looked up at her, trying to find a way to apologize.

“The stitches were fine,” she said a moment later.

“Good.” He took a bit of bread and silence fell back until he finally took a deep breath and looked up at her. “I’m sorry, Claire. What I said… I didn’t mean it.”

“You did,” she whispered, still not meeting his eyes. “We were tired and had a stressful week, I don’t blame you. Anyway, I’m going to try and get some sleep. I can’t keep my eyes opened.”

She got up and kicked her shoes off, lying down under the plaid. Jamie stayed by the fire a moment, getting lost in his thoughts. Everything was going on too fast and too slow at the same time. As much as he wanted to go home, run into his mother’s arms, and have a full roast beef for dinner with the strongest beer, he couldn’t believe this adventure was coming to an end and nothing but routine arguments had happened between them. They had spent a few nights sleeping in the same bed, and nothing had happened. If they couldn’t cross that line they’d drawn between them when it was just the two of them in the dark, how could they do it in the real world, with boyfriends and life in the middle?

Jamie eventually fell asleep in front of the fireplace and woke up as the sun continued to set. Claire was eating again and drinking more beer. He rubbed his eyes and blinked, looking at her. “You’re eating again?” he asked, wondering if he’d dreamt the last few hours.

She raised an eyebrow. “It’s past supper time.”

He ate a few bites, but the food made him feel sick. “I’m not hungry. I’ll be back soon.” He got up, put his coat on, and left the room. He went outside and walked a little, stopping to pee against a tree. The cold breeze of the night was helping him think more clearly.

As he walked back to the tavern, he looked up to the window of their bedroom and saw Claire’s shadow getting ready for bed. It was their last night and it was going to be wasted.

He tried to stop thinking about it. She had a boyfriend, after all. She had no interest in him. Yet, every time, he couldn’t help but feel something inside of him. Something stronger than the life that was stopping them from being together. They had lived through this journey together. Clearly it meant something more than this.

***

As soon as Jamie left, Claire took a deep breath and went to wash her face in the small basin of fresh water. She needed to clear her head from all the thoughts that were haunting her — all the thoughts of Jamie.

Before their trip to the Highlands, before they traveled through time and into 18th-century Scotland together, she never thought she could want him more than she already did in their own time. But ever since, she was ready to stay in this time period for the rest of her life if it meant having him.

She regretted her fears that had stopped her from connecting with him during their nights spent alone. They had been so close, yet so far from each other. And even from that distance, he never made her feel alone. She wanted him to make her feel something, something she knew no one else could. He understood her and she trusted that he would never break her heart like everybody else around her did. Like her parents did when they died, like her uncle did every time he had to cancel plans because of work, like Frank did when he was too busy to just look at her and see her. She knew Jamie was living in the dark just like her and that he just needed a light. He was the sun for her, and she only wished she could be the same for him.

The door between them was closed and neither one of them had tried to open it, only glancing through the window. Not until tonight.

When Jamie came back, Claire was lying in bed, her eyes closed. At first sight, she seemed to be resting peacefully — but inside, her heart was hammering.

He didn’t make any noise as he undressed and laid down next to her. “Are you asleep?” he whispered.

She opened her eyes and looked at him without answering. He held her gaze, his blue eyes softening.

“Claire, I—”

“Hush,” she whispered, turning to face him, “don’t say a word.”

Slowly, she bent her head towards him and rested her lips on his. He didn’t move, keeping his eyes closed and holding his breath. She kissed him softly, covering his lips with her mouth. He let out a small moan when she deepened the kiss and opened his lips to welcome her tongue. He then kissed her back, sitting up and pulling her on his lap. She kissed him hungrily, her long fingers running in his curls. He held her tightly pressed against him, his hands caressing her back while he left small kisses on her neck, gently biting the soft skin. She threw her head back to give him better access, small moans escaping her lips as he worked. He threw her shift off her shoulder. She did the same and ran her hands down his toned chest.

She explored his body with her hands as he kissed her again before trailing down his lips to her breasts. Her breath hitched when his mouth covered a hard nipple, while his hand fondled the other breast. She closed her eyes, her arms around his neck, holding him close. It was the first time she was with a lad who gave her so much attention. Jamie was seeing her, and when she looked into his eyes, she knew that he loved what he was seeing.

He rolled on top of her and opened her legs with his hand. His eyes never leaving hers, his hand slowly trailing down her thigh until it rested between her legs. The corner of his mouth curled up in the most beautiful smile, making her need for him even more urgent.

Jamie touched her, looking at her face as he did. Her lips pressed together as his finger entered her, her eyes shut tight as he moved it inside of her. “Jamie, I want you,” she said in a hoarse voice. “Please.”

He didn’t need to hear more. She took a firm hold of him and grinned when she saw how hard he was. He felt his cheeks turn red and his cock twitch in her hand. With her help, he guided himself to her and entered her slowly. They both let out a sigh of relief. Jamie looked down at her and she nodded, her whisky eyes dark with lust.

Slowly, he started to roll his hips, studying her face as he did, trying to see what she liked the most. “Like this?” he asked.

“Mmm,” she answered, her hands taking a firm hold of his buttocks. He moaned when she pushed him deeper inside her.

He buried his face in the crock of her neck and kissed the soft skin of her neck and captured her moans with his lips. She held onto him like she holding on to life. She may not have known, but the way she touched him, her fingertips brushing against the skin of his neck and down his back, drove him crazy. He knew he was close, but he didn’t want it to end just yet.

Lifting her hips, he thrusted deeper inside of her. “Jesus Christ,” she moaned, looking into his eyes. “Oh God.” She was so close and he wanted to see her face as he made her her come. She cried out, throwing her head back, her hand grabbing a handful of his curls. He came with her and buried his face in her neck.

Jamie kept his face hidden for a moment, making Claire think he’d fallen asleep, until he looked in her eyes and smiled shyly. She smiled back at him, feeling her cheeks turn red. He pulled out of her and fell on his back next to her.

There was an awkward silence, both of them looking at the ceiling, not knowing what to say.

“I’ve never… you know… it’s the first time I’ve come. With someone, I mean,” she said, making him blush deeply.

“Oh…” was all he could manage to say. “I’m glad you did,” he said, immediately regretting saying something so stupid.

She chuckled and turned on her side to face him. “Thank you,” she said, putting a hand on his chest. “We should have done it before.” It was her turn to blush.

“Aye,” he smiled sheepishly before hesitantly lifting his head to kiss her. She closed her eyes when their lips met.

They lied together afterwards. Without saying a word, they simply each othe. She was beautiful, her skin like white velvet. He couldn’t keep his hands off her and she didn’t seem to mind very much. At some point, she fell asleep, her head resting on his chest. He woke her up later and they did it one last time.

It was different the second time. The shyness of the first time gone, it was even more passionate and intense, leaving them breathless afterwards.

When Jamie woke up the morning after, Claire was getting dressed, ready to go back. She didn’t look at him or say anything about last night, which made him only worry that they did something bad.

And it was bad. Claire was not Jamie’s, she was with Frank, and even if Jamie hated the lad to the very marrow of his bones, he had no right to touch his girlfriend. And Claire probably regretted betraying her boyfriend’s trust.

“Hey,” Jamie said, sitting up in the bed. The plaid fell down to his waist, exposing his bare chest. He put it back, feeling suddenly awkward being naked in front of her.

“Hey,” she smiled politely and continued dressing. Once again, she was back in her shell, protected from the rest of the world, him included. Last night, she let him in. Now that the morning had come, he was just another stranger.

“We should leave as soon as possible, to be sure we can make it before sundown. If we can travel tonight,” she said, tying up her shoes, “we don’t want to sleep in the woods one more night.”

He nodded, pretending he was fine with this plan when inside, his heart was sinking. He didn’t want to go back, because if they went back to their normal life, he would lose her forever.

Jamie went to grab breakfast downstairs and came back with two bowls of porridge. They ate in silence, never speaking about what happened the night before. Jamie wanted to. He wanted to tell her he loved her, but it was too late.

After leaving the room, they climbed on their horse and left for the stones. Jamie had asked the bartender the directions to Craigh na Dun, which was closer than ever. A few hours later, the standing stones appeared in front of them. Claire felt her heart hammer in her chest at the sight.

“How long has it been?” She asked softly. “Since the last time we were here?”

Jamie shrugged. “A week maybe? Maybe less, I don’t know. Everything is so strange.”

They got off the horse and sent him back to Inverness. Claire surprised Jamie by taking his hands as they walked up the hill. Once they made it to the top, they heard the wind rising — the same noise they had heard the first time they were on that hill. “You hear it? The buzzing sound?” She asked him, searching his eyes for an answer.

“Aye, I hear it,” he nodded. “So what do we do?”

“What we did last time, I suppose,” Claire said, walking around the tallest stone, the stone they touched before falling through time. “We touch it and…” Her heart starting beating faster, heavy in her chest as panic crept over her. “What if we don’t make it? Oh god, Jamie! What if one of us can’t make it back?”

He put his hands on her shoulders, looking deep into her whisky eyes. “It will be alright, Claire. Just like the first time.”

Tears veiled her eyes. “How can you be so sure?”

“There’s only one way to find out,” he smiled reassuringly.

“If you can’t make it, I’ll come back. If I’m stuck here, please tell me you’ll come back. Promise me you’ll come back for me.”

“Aye, I promise. I’ll always come for you,” he said and he saw her look change. She closed the small distance between them and kissed him one last time. He kissed her back, closing his eyes, surrounding to the warmth of her lips on his.

“You’re ready?” he asked her, looking deeply into her eyes.

Claire nodded and with a firm grip of his hand, they walked to the tallest stone. With one last glance at each other, they touched the stone.


	7. Swallowed in the Sea

In the days after they returned back from the past, Claire and Jamie hardly saw one another. They were expecting people to be looking for them, but they never expected the media to fully cover their return.. 

After waking up on the hill, the freezing rain caressing their sleeping faces, they walked back to Inverness feeling dizzy. They felt as if they were walking towards a strange world instead of going home. 

They were both relieved and bitter to see that they had come to the right time period. When they entered the police station, the detective rushed to see them. They didn’t even have time to open their mouth to speak before journalists and photographers flooded the building, asking thousands of questions and taking pictures. 

On their way back to Inverness, they had agreed to the story that they had simply been lost in the woods during those days and ended up in the house of a retired couple. People believed them, and even if they knew it wasn’t the whole story, it was better than saying they were returning back from the past. 

Jamie spent a week at home without going to school. One night, when he couldn’t sleep, he tried to call Claire and ask how she was doing, but she didn’t pick up. He didn’t try afterward. 

When he went back to school, he didn’t see her. A few weeks later, he saw her in the library, but didn’t dare to go talk to her. If she wished to speak to him, she would have come talk to him earlier. So he spent the next few months looking away when he saw her in the hallway, clenching his teeth when he saw her hold hands with Frank. He woke up in the middle of the night, imagining him taking her, kissing her body and caressing the soft skin of her breasts. He was angry — jealous — to know that Frank was the one kissing her, that his was the name that she called out, and he was the one she opened her heart to and told him all her secrets. The secrets Jamie always hoped she would be sharing with him. 

Just like that, their last year of high school was over. On the last day, Jamie saw Claire smoking in the corner of the building and walked towards her, but his mother calling after him stopped him. Instead, he looked at her one last time and climbed in the car. 

“Summer time!” Jamie’s mom exclaimed, kissing his cheek. 

Jamie smiled, happy to see her. Ever since he came back from the past, Jamie and his mother were very close. She had been worried sick that something had happened to her lad. After he came back, she never let him go anywhere without her for a few months. 

They were planning on going to Greece during the summer to take in some vitamin D. Jamie was supposed to work at his mother’s office and he was planning on doing a few chess competitions. None of his plans included Claire. 

He had no idea what she was going to do and where she was going. He wanted to call her, ask how she was doing — but once again, it wasn’t any of his business. It was time for him to forget about her. After all, she was never going to love him, and she was never going to give him what he wanted. What broke his heart is that he knew she could. She had, that night in Inverness, just before they came back from the past. 

But it was over. She wasn’t interested in him and he had to let go. He wanted to find love and learn to live without her. But it was impossible — no matter how hard he tried to forget her, she haunted him. 

One cold summer night, Jamie opened a newspaper he hid in his drawer. It had come out the day after they came back, with a picture of the two of them on the cover. It was the only tangible thing that he still had about their adventure. If hadn’t saved it it, with time, he would probably start to think it had all been just a dream. 

Jamie looked at the picture. Claire’s hair was a riotous mess, as always. Her whisky eyes were round with fear, but her beautiful lips were curled up in a shy smile. This image of Claire wasn’t the one he remembered from their time in the past, but at least he could see her. Even if he knew her face by heart, some parts were missing in his mind. Some parts were blurred. 

After closing the newspapers, Jamie laid down in bed and closed his eyes. You need to move on. You need to let go. He repeated it to himself, but it was hard when he could see it all in his head. Them together and in love. There was something between them, a bond they could never pretend didn’t exist, no matter how hard they tried. God, please. Let me forget her, he prayed in his head. He needed a miracle. 

At some point, Jamie fell asleep. He slept peacefully, haunted by her, haunted by his fears and by the strong feelings he couldn’t ignore. He needed to break free. 

***

Once again, he heard it. The sound of someone knocking at the door. His steps heavy as he walked the endless hallway to the door. The shadow of someone waiting for him to answer. His heart hammering in chest as the shadow became a figure. Curls.

He opened the door and once again, she smiled at him. Once again, he was surprised to see her. Even though the only thing he wanted in life was for her to be the one knocking at his door, he never dared to hope she would come back. Especially not after all this time. Yet, he couldn’t help but feel like he had been drowning and was now breathing fresh air. 

“Claire,” he heard his voice say softly, “what are you doing here?”

She batted her long lashes at him, smiling sheepishly. “I came to see you Jamie.” 

For him. 

“Come in.”

She stepped in, her long legs dressed in dark blue jeans, wearing a pair of black converse. She took off her green corduroy coat and handed it to him. “So this is your new place?” she asked and started to wander around the small apartment. 

“Aye. Tis not much, but tis enough,” he said, feeling proud to show his small studio in the heart of Manhattan. 

He showed her around, but it wasn’t long until she saw everything. “You really flew all over the Atlantic just to see me?”

“Yes,” she looked at him, her whisky eyes piercing through his soul. He swallowed, feeling surrounded by love. A feeling he hoped would never stop. She was here for him and him only. For the first time in his life, someone was interested in him. For the first time, he felt like she was seeing him for who he really was. 

Then, she took his hand in her small warm hand. Her nails were painted black, but the nail polish was starting to fade away. 

He looked down at their joined hands. Her thumb started to caress his palm and he felt a shiver run down his spine. There was nothing sexual in her touch, or in her eyes. Only love and care. The feeling was almost too much for him, making his heart full. He looked up and saw that her whisky eyes were studying him, the corner of her mouth curled up in amusement. 

“You look surprised,” she whispered.

“I am,” he answered simply. 

“Don’t be. I love you. I’ve always loved you, Jamie. Always.”

They stood there, facing each other in the middle of the studio, looking deep into each other’s eyes. It was a magical moment. Two people finally coming to each other with nothing else but love. Love and tenderness. 

“I love you,” Jamie said, but as he said the words, the vision of Claire started to blur. 

“What?” she asked, becoming just a cloud of colours. 

“I love you,” he repeated, but she disappeared. Vanished into the night. 

Jamie stood alone in the studio, now cold and empty. “It was just a dream,” he said, feeling his eyes tears up. 

Jamie opened his eyes, seeing nothing in the darkness of the night. His body was shaking and his heart was hammering in his chest. Blinking, he realized that it had only been a dream. Again. Again, his heart sunk in his chest. She would never say things like that to him. Never. 

He got up and walked through the small Manhattan studio, hoping he wouldn’t wake John up. His friend was sleeping on the small mattress he occupied in the opposite corner of the room. 

Closing the door of the bathroom without a sound, Jamie opened the light and took a deep breath, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired, with deep circles under his eyes. During the last year, after he finished high school and moved to New York with his mother, he had grown a lot. 

His hair was shorter now, though still curly and very red. He had a rough red beard covering his jaw and his eyes were dark. There was a shadow in them. Jamie never recognized himself when he looked in the mirror. 

He splashed freezing water on his face and drank some in a glass. It wasn’t the first time he had this dream, but every time he experienced it, the feeling of longing worsened. It had been more than a year now since they came back from the past. More than a year of longing and wishing things were different. It was a lot, and he was tired. Simply tired of waiting, of hoping for something that was never going to happen.

Jamie was now studying literature at Columbia University, a choice he knew he subconsciously did for Claire. This way, he would have something to talk about with when he saw her again. It was stupid, but he knew fine well she was the reason why he chose this program. 

During his free time, Jamie worked in a music store where he sold guitars at ridiculous prices, and he loved to write. Or at least pretend to write. He wanted to be a poet, but he didn’t know much about poetry. Every poem he wrote was about Claire. She simply was in everything he did, and she never left his mind. Not a single day went on without him thinking about her. Sometimes, he would only smile at something she’d told him; sometimes he would start imagining where she was now. He knew he could call her, but he was too much of a coward. Afraid she would reject him once again. 

He tried to move on, he really did. He went out with girls, went out on dates, but they never went far. No matter how kind and cute they were, they weren’t her. 

Jamie hated Claire. Passionately. He wished deeply that she could feel the same way he felt. Emptiness. Panic in the middle of the night for no reason. Simply finding little joy in living. He wished she could feel how he was feeling. Maybe if she did, she’d come back. Maybe if she did, he could finally turn the page and close the book. He was stubborn and he wouldn’t end this story when he knew it wasn’t over. But the characters of this story were tired, begging for him to let them go. 

Jamie wished Claire could feel alone without him. He wished she could feel amputated without him, unable to find her place. 

What Jamie didn’t know, was that Claire was feeling just like him. 

A few months after he arrived in New York, Jamie went to a small bookstore in Gramercy, looking for a secondhand book his professor wanted him to buy. He could buy it new, but it was ridiculously expensive and Jamie didn’t think he was going to love it enough to pay the full price.

The first thing he laid eyes on when he entered the bookstore was her. Claire. At least, a paperback version of her. He was astonished to learn that she had written a book. Fallen Through Time. He walked to the pile of books by the poster and took one. It was a brick, probably almost a thousand pages long. It was printed in a Scottish design. Jamie swallowed, turning the book to read the back cover. 

Jane Morriston and Samuel MacKenzie are two students with a complicated history. When they accidently touch a standing stone at the mysterious site of Craigh na Dun in Scotland, they are swept back in time and arrive in 1743. 

He blinked and reread the back cover over and over again. Claire wrote a book about their adventures. This book was now a New York Times Bestseller. 

Jamie didn’t look for his school book, and went to buy this one instead. 

“This book is amazing!” The lady at the cashier said. “Beautifully written and the story is so intriguing! Can you believe the writer is only twenty-one years old! She has a long career in front of her.”

Jamie nodded, not really hearing what she was saying. 

He ran back to his studio and locked himself in it. He sat on his bed and opened the book. 

This story is set in 1743, but it starts years after that. 

He read and read all night long. He didn’t want to finish it all, but he couldn’t put it down. This book was the door to Claire’s heart. Everyone could read it, but he knew fine well it was only he who could understand. It was the Pandora’s box to all the secrets he always wished to hear. It was a treasure. 

As he read, he understood everything he wasn’t able to understand at the time. He was saddened by the poignant story of her parents’ death and he was laughing at the memories of their first kisses. She remembered details he didn’t even remember. Details he never thought she would remember. As he read, Jamie got to know Claire in a new way. Of course, she was hiding behind Samuel MacKenzie. It was he whose parents had died and it was he who was afraid to let Jane in. 

Jamie finished the book a few days after. When he turned the last page and closed the book, a feeling of panic crept in. He looked in front of him at the water falling against the window and repeated the final scene in his head. She wanted him to come for her. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have written an ending like she had. He opened the book one more time and read once again the final pages to make sure it wasn’t a dream. 

In the last part of the book, Jane goes to see Samuel at his house, but she sees that he doesn’t live there anymore. Does that mean she went to our flat in Edinburgh? Jamie wondered. Probably. She tries to find him, she even tries to call his brother in Paris, but she can’t find him. She wants to tell him she is in love with him and that she was a fool to try to stop the bond between them. But she can’t because he has disappeared. She is too late.

He got up and started to walk around the studio. His heart was hammering in his chest as he thought about the meaning behind this entire book. Did she write the book so I can find her? Since she can’t find me? Jamie wondered. It was written in black and white.

Jamie just wanted to grab his coat and take the first cab to Edinburgh, but something stopped him. He was a fool, he knew it. He was a fool for her and always had been. He always let her step on him until she finally decided she needed him. Like in the past, like that night in Inverness. He tried to convince himself that it wasn’t like that, he tried to think the book was right. She needed to move on from her parents before letting him in. He really wanted to believe her. But he was tired. Tired of waiting for her, tired of wishing she’d come home. Tired of hoping it was her every time he thought he heard footsteps on his stairs. Jamie closed the book and threw it under his bed. Maybe the universe really was against them and they simply weren’t made for each other.

***

Almost a year after he came to New York, Jamie was walking down the street. It had been a few months since he read Claire’s book, a few months since he decided to let her go. And he was still stuck at square one. 

He was on his way to university, waiting to cross the street, a coffee in hand. He was lost in his thoughts, thinking about all the essays he had to finish about books he didn’t want to read. He knew literature was not his place, but the reason why he stayed in the program was because he had no idea what he wanted to do. He never knew what he wanted to do. When he was a boy, everybody in his class had an idea. Even if it changed ten times a year, at least they had plans. Jamie never had the faintest idea, and it always scared him. He was afraid to spend his life searching and finding until it was too late.

Claire knew what she wanted to do. He remembered her at the restaurant, the first time they saw each other. He remembered her at Lallybroch. She always knew and now she had published a book. He, on the other hand, he was nothing.

He sighed and walked across the boulevard, hoping the cloud that seemed to be following him everywhere would finally be cast away by the sun. Jamie looked up and saw a curly head walk in the opposite direction. He turned suddenly, thinking it might be her, but with a second glance, he realized it was another woman. He cursed in his head, both relieved and disappointed. He hated when it happened and it happened often. Jamie saw her face in every crowd.

After a long day at university, Jamie went back home, stopping at Shake Shack to buy burgers for him and his friend. He walked by a bookstore and stopped dead when he saw the ad. Claire Beauchamp, writer of Fallen Through Time, May 24th. His heart started to hammer in his chest and without even thinking about it, his feet guided him inside the bookstore. 

Claire was sitting at a small table in the of the store, a long line in front of her of people waiting for her to sign their book. He looked at her and his breath was stuck in his throat. She was smiling like he had never seen her smile before. Her hair were pulled back in a bun and she was wearing makeup that made her whisky eyes even more piercing. Her smile was genuine as she talked and laughed with the people in front of her. She looked better than ever. 

Just the sight of her made his heart of stone soften and he found himself smiling as he looked at her.

“Sir?” He was brought back to reality by a small woman standing behind him with the book in hand. “Are you in the line?”

He looked down at her and back to Claire. “Aye,” he said, “I am.” He smiled at the lady and went to stand in the line. He took a book on his way and studied the cover. Maybe he had walked in this bookstore by chance, but he really believed that it wasn’t a coincidence. Their story wasn’t over yet.


	8. Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “For you I’d wait til kingdom come  
> Until my day my day is done  
> And say you’ll come and set me free  
> Just say you’ll wait you’ll wait for me”
> 
> Thank you all for reading and liking and commenting this fic!! The support has been amazing! Thank you! See you all for arc 2 ;)

Jamie’s heart was hammering, yet he never felt more peaceful and confident than now. He was in line waiting for Claire to sign her book. As he got closer to her, he heard the sound of her voice and couldn’t help but smile. It was soft like honey, and he soon realized how much he’d missed it. She was funny, joking and having fun with the people that were coming to meet their new favourite writer. 

Soon, it was his turn. When he handed her the book, she didn’t look up at him immediately. “What’s the name?” she asked with a kind voice.

“Jamie,” he said softly. “You can make it out to Jamie.”

She looked up at him then and her smile disappeared from her face. She always had a glass face, but this time, he couldn’t read the expression on her face. Tears veiled her eyes and she swallowed. He smiled at her, but she only looked down and signed the book. “Thank you,” she said, handing it back to him. 

Just like that, it was over. He couldn’t blame her, his appearance was a big surprise to her. Because of that, he waited outside the bookstore until the book signing was over. He was nervous, not sure about what he should say to her.

She finally exited the store and smiled at him. “Do you want to do something? Go out for a drink?”

“Aye, we could to a bar?” he proposed, not knowing if it was a good idea.

“Actually, we should go to my place. There’s going to be a big storm tonight, and they said the power might go out. We should stay inside.”

He nodded and started to follow her until they reached a motorcycle. “That’s yours?” he asked, blinking.

Claire chuckled. “Well, yes.” She handed him a helmet, but he didn’t take it. “What? You don’t want to come?”

“It’s just…”

“You’re scared?” she grinned. “Don’t worry, you should be fine.”

He put on the helmet and placed the book in her backpack. Sitting behind her, he hesitantly put his hands on her waist. “Ready?” she asked over her shoulder, and immediately took off from the parking spot. It wasn’t long until his hesitant hold of her waist became a firm grip, his arms wrapped tightly around her. She was crazy, driving like a mad woman. He couldn’t help but laugh as the drivers honked at them. It felt good. He’d never been on a motorcycle before. It was freeing, to have the wind on his face, to be so close to her. The last time he’d held her was during their last night together in Inverness.

Finally, they arrived on campus and she parked the motorcycle. He hopped off the bike and she followed, chuckling when she saw his face. “Are you alright? You look quite white,” she smirked.

“I’m fine…”

“Come on in, the sky looks pretty threatening.”

As a matter of fact, as soon as they set foot in the residency, they heard the sound of thunder. “That was close!” she smiled shyly and they walked to her room.

It was a small room, just like the one Jamie shared with John. There was a Claire touch to it. Plants and books everywhere. The walls were green, and the couch was made of brown leather. It was warm and peaceful. “It’s nice,” Jamie smiled.

“Thank you. Do you want something to drink?”

“A beer?” he asked, and she came back with two Guinnesses. They sat on the couch and soaked in a moment in silence. 

“So what are you doing in New York?” she asked him.

“I live here now. I, uh, moved wi’ my mam, the year we finished high school. What about ye? I didna ken ye lived here as well.”

She nodded, taking a sip of the cold beverage. “Yes, I moved here this year actually. For a new beginning.”

“And you like it?”

“Yes, I love it a lot. It really feels like home. You know, at first I just wanted to stay here for a few months, but I fell in love with the city and I want to stay here for a few more years. Maybe not for the rest of my life,” she smiled, “but for a while, yes. Actually, my uncle found a job at Columbia, so he’s moving here too.”

Jamie grinned in response, happy to see that she was doing great. She looked good, she smiled a lot, and her eyes… there was a light in them.

“You seem happy,” he finally said. “I’m glad to see that you wrote a book and that it’s become famous. I always knew ye could do it.”

She blushed, looking down at her feet on the couch. “Well, thank you. When I sent the manuscript to the editor, I never thought they would respond with a positive answer. I still can’t believe it,” she chuckled and suddenly grew serious. “Did you read it?” she asked in a voice so low he almost didn’t hear it.

“Aye,” he whispered, “I did read it.”

“And what did you think?” she asked, searching his eyes for a hint.

He stayed silent for a moment, thinking about the right words to say. “It was really great, Claire. I was impressed. You’re a really talented writer.”

She clearly was expecting something more and he regretted saying it the moment he saw the disappointment on her face. Claire nodded and swallowed, not meeting his eyes.

There was an awkward silence between the two of them. It was time to speak about the elephant in the room, and neither one of them wanted to break the ice. “I looked for you,” she finally said. “I went to your old house, but you had moved out.”

I know I broke your heart, she wanted to tell him. I know I did and I hate myself for it. Every minute I breathe, every night I can’t sleep, and it’s because I regret the way I treated you. I love you.

But she didn’t say anything.

Jamie nodded, looking down at the bottle in his hands. “The book…” he finally said. “It made me happy.” He finally looked up at her. “It made me happy because I learned more about you. Things you never said to me, things I terribly wanted to know. You wrote them in black and white.”

“I wrote this book because it was the only way I could tell you how I feel,” she said, her voice shaky. “I’m bad with words, as ironic as it may sound. I’m bad with words, and I’m even worse with actions.”

She hesitantly put a hand on his arm. “Do you love me?” she asked.

Jamie put his hand on hers and looked up at her. Her eyes were filled with hope. “Claire…” As he said it, he saw a shadow in her eyes. He saw her dreams die. “I did love you. I loved you so much. I still do, but… I canna do this anymore. I’m trying to move on from ye. For so long, I was haunted by ye… I longed for ye. Spending sleepless nights imagining ye with another guy, imagining you had already forgotten about me…”

“But Jamie, you don’t have to move on. I love you,” she said, looking deep into his eyes. “And now that we both live in New York… I feel it’s a sign.”

“Ye dinna understand,” he said. His heart was breaking, but he didn’t know what to say. He loved her and he wanted nothing more than to be with her. But he was angry at her and angry at him for the way he behaved. Was he really going to fall on his knees just because suddenly she now wants him? 

There were two voices in his head. One reminding him of the book, of the depth of Claire’s feelings. The other voice was reminding him of the days and nights he spent mourning for her; even if she wasn’t dead, it was as if she were.

“What about Frank?” he asked. “You went back with him after what happened in Inverness. Did you tell him?”

She looked down, ashamed. “I never told him. But I broke up with him as soon as the year ended.”

The lights flashed before they went out. The power was out. They stayed in silence in the darkness of the apartment. Outside, the sky was dark grey and a heavy rain was falling on the window, thunder the only sound echoing in the room. 

It was suddenly cold in the room, as if they were trapped in a freezer. Claire felt a shiver run down her spine as tears veiled her eyes. It was too late now. 

“I understand if you don’t want me. I’m pretty messy, you know.”

She broke down in tears, burying her face in her hands. Jamie reached for her and put a hand on her shaking shoulder. “Claire…”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “You can go.”

He didn’t move for a moment, but without knowing why, he got up and his feet guided him to the door. He looked over his shoulder at her on the couch and hesitated. Jesus Christ, Jamie, he thought, what the devil are ye doing? Stop being proud for one second and just go. You know you want it. He opened the door and left.

When she heard the sound of the door closing, Claire heard her heart break once again. It was a small, clean sound, like the snapping of a flower’s stem. She knew she was the author of her own misfortune. It was because of the way she had treated him that he was running away. 

Without putting the blame on something else, she knew she hadn’t done it on purpose. During the time she saw him at school, and when they traveled through time, she was a mess. Even if she had opened up to him and started a relationship, she knew that it wouldn’t have been long before it went down in flames. She would have lost him anyway.

She closed her eyes, breathing in. It just wasn’t meant to happen. She got up and went to grab the rest of a macaroni salad in the fridge. She sat by the window and ate, lacking any appetite. She ate to change her mind from Jamie, just to do something than cry on the couch. 

But it didn’t work like she hoped it would. Jamie leaving her apartment after breaking her heart was replaying in her head over and over again. It took all the self control in the world not to break down in tears again. She hadn’t meant to cry in front of him. Nobody except her parents had seen her cry before, and she didn’t want him to see her like this. Especially after he made it clear he didn’t want her.

She couldn’t blame him, yet she was. She had hoped he would understand, especially after reading the book. The book she wrote for him — no matter how hard she tried to convince herself it wasn’t true, she knew fine well it was. I would’ve waited for him, she thought. I have. For seven years, and he never called me. He never asked to see me again until we went to Lallybroch. 

She waited for seven years and she would’ve waited longer. 

After she finished eating, Claire put a blanket around her shoulders and laid down on the couch. With no power, there was nothing else for her to do but face her heartbreak. She stared in front of her, feeling her eye veil over with tears. He was the love of her life, she knew it fine well. He could make her feel like nobody ever could. 

She smiled, remembering their first kiss. The way he blushed after he kissed her. When they ran to go back to their house, she saw him touch his lips. She remembered the way he had kissed her at Lallybroch. She remembered the glances he spent the weekend throwing at her. He thought she didn’t see it because she was reading, but she did. 

When she saw him again after her parents died and she moved in with her Uncle Lamb, she felt hope. Besides her family, Claire had nobody. Jamie had been her only friend and no matter how brief their meetings had been, she had never connected with anyone the way she had with him. In her head, they were friends. As a friend, she hoped he would talk to her, but he never did. 

She always thought they were meant to be together, ever since she walked in the restaurant more than ten years ago. She knew he was someone special to her. No matter how many times they were seperated, they always found their way back to each other. 

Things like that were rare in life. It didn’t happen to everybody, and those who had the chance to experience a love so strong had to cherish it. She hadn’t, and now this love was lost. All her life, she would have to live knowing that she had let her best friend and the love of her life go. 

The rain hadn’t stopped. Droplets were drumming on her window, echoing in the silent studio. It was now cold, and Claire went to grab another blanket. 

Her tears were frozen on her face. She wiped them away and decided that she had thought about Jamie long enough for the day. She decided to grab a book on a shelf and started to read. It took her awhile to concentrate on the lines written in front of her instead of the face he had made before leaving her. When she finally started to picture the actions of the book, a word, a detail, or even just the structure of a phrase would make her think about him.

She was determined to get him off her mind, but apparently she wouldn’t do it by reading. 

Claire closed the book and threw it on the coffee table in front of her. She sighed, feeling her heart sink in her chest. It was a nightmare.

She was surprised by a soft knock at the door. For a second, she felt like she’d been struck by a bolt of lightning at the idea that it was Jamie coming back. But when she realized that it was impossible, a tear fell down her cheek. Who could that be? she wondered before remembering one of her classmates asked to borrow one of the books she’d lost in the subway. She said she was going to stop by during the day. 

The last thing Claire wanted was for someone to see her like this, with her eyes red and puffy, but she couldn’t let her wait outside. She slowly walked to the door, wiping the tears away from her cheek, as if that would change anything.

When she opened the door, she almost fainted at the sight of the giant Scot. For a second, she didn’t react, thinking it was probably a joke or maybe he’d forgotten his bag or something. But when she saw the look in his eyes, she realized why he was there. Standing in the door, soaked from head to feet, droplets falling from his curly hair to the floor.

“Jamie.”

“Can I come in?” he asked, and she realized that he was shivering. 

“Yes, of course,” she stepped back abruptly, letting him in. She acted like it was completely normal that he was in her house, after he told her he couldn’t be with her. She walked into the studio. “So, why are you—” When she turned around to face him, he surprised her with a kiss. His lips were cold and wet from of the rain. 

She immediately pulled back and looked down at the floor. “What game are you playing, Jamie?” she asked, her voice breaking.

“I’m no’ playing any games. I thought about everything… about what you said, about your book… and about what I said. I realized that I dinna want to be parted from ye ever again. I want to be with ye and I want ye, messy or not,” he smiled faintly. 

She looked down, letting the tears stream down her face. She didn’t want him to see her cry.

“Claire, dinna cry…” he lifted her chin and kissed the tear on her cheek. She turned her head and kissed him deeply on the mouth. He surrendered to her embrace, closing his arms around her. 

“You need to take those clothes off,” she said, after they parted to take a breath. Jamie blushed deeply. “I mean, if you don’t want to get sick,” she corrected, feeling her cheeks turn red as well.

“Oh, aye,” he said and took a step back. She watched shyly as he took his coat off, followed by the removal of his white t-shirt over his head. He looked up at her when he reached the zipper of his pants. She looked away, feeling her cheeks burning. “What do I do with my clothes?”

“You can give them to me.” She went to grab a blanket on the couch and handed it to him. He gave her his wet clothes and she went to hang them in the shower. When she came back, he was sitting on the couch, wrapped in the blue blanket. She could see his shoulders shake with cold. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I have clothes that could fit you.”

“It’s fine,” he said. 

“What was the idea behind standing in the pouring rain, though?” she asked, calculating which distance was the safest before sitting on the couch. 

“Weel… I took the bus, but then I immediately regretted doing so. I got out and walked all the way back here.”

She put a hand on his, interlacing her fingers around his as if she hadn’t listened to what he said. His hand was cold, yet it felt like his skin was burning in contact with hers. She looked up at him.

“Claire.” His voice was so low, she almost didn’t hear him. “Claire, I’m so sorry. For everything that I said. I was sore, I didn’t mean any of the words I spoke.”

She smiled, cupping his cheek with her free hand. “I’m glad to hear that. I’m sorry too, Jamie. For the way I treated you all these years.”

He covered her hand with his and kissed her palm. “Don’t be,” he smiled softly and kissed her hand once again. “I understand that ye needed time and space. I understand now, but I should’ve long before.”

“I should have told you, though. Instead of running away. Instead of hiding.”

“Aye,” he nodded. “But ye didn’t and we cannot change decisions we made in the past. Now that I know that ye love me, nothing else matters, really. I’m ready to try, no matter how hard it is. For ye I’ve waited all these years… and for ye I’d wait until I die.”

Tears were streaming down her face. She looked down, wiping them away with a shy chuckle. “I’m sorry. Apparently I can’t stop crying today. I guess years of repressed tears are finally coming out.”

He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. “Cry as much as ye need, mo ghraidh. It’ll only make ye feel better.”

She nodded and buried her face in his neck. She didn’t cry, only closing her eyes and feeling him close. She kissed the wet skin of his neck with the tip of her lips. When she pulled back, she couldn’t see his features because of the dark. Only the shadow of his face. Tentatively, she reached for his lips and he met her hallway. They kissed deeply, this time without boundaries. Claire wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. In a swift movement, Jamie lifted her in his arms and walked them to the bed. The blanket fell on the floor, leaving him standing naked in front of her. Claire looked at him, feeling her cheeks turn red at the sight of him.

He climbed on top of her, covering her face with small kisses, helping her undress. Her hands were shaking because of the cold temperature in the room, making it difficult for her to unbutton her blouse. Jamie helped her, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him. He had changed a lot physically since the last time she’d seen him and it was even more apparent when he was naked, she noticed, absentmindedly licking her bottom lip. 

Jamie caught her stare and smiled shyly. When he was finally done with the blouse, he pushed it off her shoulders and swallowed in anticipation at the sight of her. He bent to kiss the valley between her breasts, his hands reaching to unhook her bra. He watched as she slowly took it off and threw it on the floor. He grinned and reached for her breasts, leaning her on her back. Their kisses became urgent. They couldn’t wait any longer. 

He tried to help her out of her pants, but it only made the task harder. She pushed his hands away and kicked off her pants. He moved to kiss her but she was faster. She rolled on top of him, straddling him, and kissed him deeply. He moaned in her mouth when she licked his bottom lip. She was more confident than the last time they’d been together. He was too, but to see her in control, knowing exactly what she wanted, only made him want her even more.

She reached to the night table and took a box of condoms out of the drawer. She opened the sealed box and took one out. He didn’t know what it revealed about her sex life. He waved the thought away. It wasn’t his business anyway, and she was with him now. What happened in her bed before didn’t change anything. 

It was still raining outside. Thunder and lightning striking from time to time, lighting up the room. It wasn’t cold anymore in the little studio.

After she helped Jamie with the condom, he sat up to kiss her, his lips trailing down between her breasts. She grabbed a handful of curls and lift his head up, making him look into her eyes. Without a word, she took hold of his cock, eliciting a moan from him, and guided him to her entrance. When she sat down on him, they both let out a sigh of relief. Without looking away, she started to slowly move her hips. His hands were exploring her body, caressing her thighs and up and down her back. 

It was the most intimate moment in their lives. Even more than that night in Inverness. This time, there were no secrets between them. Everything they both desperately needed to say back then had been said. There was just the two of them now.

After all these years spent waiting for the other, afraid to reveal their feelings, they were free now. Free to love each other like they knew they could. This was just the beginning of their life together.

**Author's Note:**

> I was looking for a reason to post this fic and I decided that today was a good day for it. I am very excited to post this fic that’s been patiently waiting in my docs for a few weeks now. I hope you will enjoy reading it! Originally, this fic was called Fallen Through Time, but I changed it to Til Kingdom Come after the song by Coldplay. I was listening to their music and I realized that it really fits the mood and how Jamie and Claire feel in this fic so I named every chapter after one of their song. Finally, I’d like to thank @lburks226 for cleaning up the mess I make when I write in english, my shipper queens (you know who you are), @julesbeauchamp who was the first to read this and to encourage me to continue writing it and @curlsgetdemgurls who’s always there when I need an advice! I love you a lot girls and thank you so much for the support. On that note:


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